What does this say about me?

Your colleagues overhear you telling a client “I’m the happiness fairy”, and after the call you find them all huddled underneath their desks hiding behind waste bins because they think you have snapped and are about to go on a killing spree…

Mothers and the women who love them

A few months ago, at some point, my car engine blew up for the second time in 2 months. I was a bit distraught and for some reason decided that working from my parent’s home would be easier than going into the office. Below is a conversation I had with a co-worker. And YES both mothers are still alive…

-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:14 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume
Then she said "you smell like pot".
Yes mom I need to toke up with Spotty Chop in the car on the ride into work.
No one has smoked pot anywhere near her in over 20 years...


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:15 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Your response should have been
"I was just about to say the same of you Mother..."


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:16 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


GOOD ONE!!!!



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:53 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Just to make sure you don't feel alone...
Shorty wanted to tell me that my father finally admitted that she was right about sunblock... no one ever argued, we all just hate
sunblock.... She also tried to tell me about all the other things that she was right about, but I ignored her. I must have been busy when the announcement came out that God has stepped down and my little ray of sunshine has taken over... God help me.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:58 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I just got the "you need to stop giving Spotty Chop mac & cheese. A study just came out. It is the worst thing you can give kids." Also "stop buying junk food. Boy Toy will just have to eat fruits and veggies."


I can't count high enough for the things that woman is right about and
the rest of us mere mortals are wrong...Maybe I can let her know that
God's spot is already taken by Shorty...after she wakes up from her nap.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:08 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

KILLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


We just got into an argument. She went to take a nap. The phone rang. I let it ring. She comes waddling out of the bedroom. "who is it?"

How the F should I know ma?

So I say do you want me to answer the phone? She says "yes, tell them I'm napping". I'm like, I will just say you are unavailable. And I get, with tude…"This is not a business. Tell them I am napping."


Whatever byotch.


But really you want people to know you are asleep you old fart?


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:13 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


I would say "I think the pipe finally caught up w/ her... she is just chillin'. Can she call you back when the buzz wears off?"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:14 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I say let's put them in a room and let them find out who is #1 and who is #2... But I will warn mama me... Shorty's motto is "the view doesn't change unless you are the lead dog"...


-----Original Message-----From: me


Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:15 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Mama me's motto is "bring it"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:16 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


We could sell tickets....


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:17 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I will sell popcorn!


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:19 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


How about Mac and Cheese instead?


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:25 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

But maybe they would spend so much time assuring each other that they did not fail as mothers that we could sneak away...

 -----Original Message-----

From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:26 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Like they wouldn't hunt us down like dogs?

And if the phone rings again - start messing w/ her... tell her you didn't hear anything... Mom, how long have you been hearing bells?



The conversation went downhill from there…

Clark’s Trading Post 2010

Over Labor Day weekend we found ourselves at Clark’s for our annual old time family photo. This is our 5th year. We did these photos with my parents when we were growing up, Boy toy and I have done several of them over the years, pre-Spotty. This is the second year that Spotty Chop chose our costumes. This year’s theme? Cowboys! It came out really well, but Spotty Chop really no longer looks like a baby, he looks like a boy. I don’t if I like it.



We watched the bear show. Clark’s is I believe the oldest bear show in the country. We rode on the train, got chased by the Wolf Man, rode water bumper cars and visited Merlin’s mansion. I think Spotty Chop had an ok time…

Spotty also decided he too wanted to take a picture. I LOVE it!

George Takei is my Hero: or what to say to an Anti-Gay douchebag!

Peeps, it's the 21st century.

Intolerance can not be allowed to fester and grow.



You go George! Live long and prosper!!!

Apple Picking

I feel bad that I have neglected the blog for so long. Especially since i have photo evidence that we have been social.


We went apple picking with Moo, Freak Show,Hippy Chick, Cheese Please, CR and  a friend of Hippy Chick's, Amazing.


The sun was bright, and it wasn't ten thousand degrees which it usually is because Moo came up with the idea of going early in the season as opposed to late. We picked apples, sat in the sun and went through mazes. Spotty Chop has a freakish sense of direction. The boy ran through the hedge maze making only 2 or 3 wrong turns. He then ran back out, I was hard pressed to follow. Spotty wanted to go again, so Boy Toy gave him a walkie talkie and sent him on his way. He called when he first entered the maze, when he got to the center and then when he came back out. THANK GOD he doesn't have my sense of direction. I would still be wandering around if left on my own.

 Yes it's a photo of Hippy Chicks butt...it made me giggle

I wasn't very happy with the quality of photos i took, but as luck would have it, quality people made it ok

Dear Spotty Chop you are 67months old today

Once again I have missed a month of letters. It all started with the Jeep’s engine blowing up for the SECOND time in less than 2 months, and culminated with my diagnosis of Migraines. Not earth shattering, but I have had a headache for over a month and that tends to make me cranky.



What’s been going on with you? Well, I took away your video game privileges for a week. When you get angry you intentionally hurt me, and mama don’t like. I told you if you tried to hurt me again that you would not be able to play video games for a week. And then you…well I am hoping that this trend is more because you don’t know how to react when you are angry as opposed to a personality trait. If it is a trait my son, you and I are going to have problems.


Papa had Columbus Day off and called to see if you did too. He and Nannie miss seeing you every week. You guys had a blast. Went to Edaville railroad where they spent a fortune on you. You also had a bonus movie night with them when your dad and I went to a Halloween party. I know the YMCA has a good program that I am paying for, but if my parents want you they will get you it’s a win win situation. They will have you for Veteran’s Day…Papa hasn’t told me what he has planned for you…


I don’t think I am going to be able to describe this well, and I don’t think you will truly “get it” until you have kids of your own. Looking over the papers you bring home from school, seeing how your mind is making connections that even a few months ago didn’t make is so FREAKING UNBELIEVABLE! I have always loved how your mind works, but now you are getting the skills to write this stuff down! It is mind blowing. I get so overwhelmed with love for you that at times I am speechless. This is not the same as the times you are so like your father that it too leaves me speechless…


You are “STAR” of the week this week in school. We made a poster with pictures of your friends, and the things you have done this year. We added lists of “likes and dislikes”. Your teacher laughed when she read “dislikes – mornings”. She was happy to see she wasn’t the only one. When we entered the room it was to a chorus of “TIMMY! TIMMY! IT’S TIMMY”. I am sure a greeting that you all bestow on each other, but it got me to thinking of how much better most of our lives would be if we too were so excited to be with the folks we work /spends enormous amounts of time with. You are bringing in your “favorite” book to read to the class. I can’t wait to see what you pick, and if it is something you will actually read to the class.


You were Jango Fett for Halloween. You wanted your daddy to take you. Since I have taken you for the past 3 years I let him. I did not like it. I want to be with you, watch your face and hell even listen to you complain that you are tired and can’t I just go up to the houses while you wait at home.


So once again I want to thank you for being my kid. You make life worth living.


LIKES:


Camping
Drive-ins
Bakugan

Beyblades

Baloney

Grapes
Videogames
BOOKS



DISLIKES:


mornings
hamburgers

beef baloney

going to bed

brushing my teeth

doing chores





Kisses


mama

Dear Spotty Chop you are 65 months today

We watched the Princess and the Frog. During one of the Jazz numbers you put your hand out and said to me “care to dance with me mama?” to which I said “HELL YA” and we boogied.


We were over the Terminators house. You asked if you could go off of the diving board. I said yes. You jumped and asked if you could do it again. I said knock yourself out. You then proceeded to do front flips. After I picked my jaw up off the ground I asked why you were doing flips. Your response? “I thought it would be fun”.


We had a sleep over at Nannie and Papa’s when I went to NYC. Around 2:00am your crying woke me. I asked you what was wrong. “Oh mama I could not find you, it was so dark. I’m ok now, you are here.” Buddy – you and are I SHARING a twin bed. Your mama is not a small girl…and YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON MY HEAD FOR MOST OF THE NIGHT. Where do you think I went?


Favorite song – Bare Naked Ladies – Crazy ABC’s. We listened to it 27 times in a row…


You are really enjoying swimming at Rosemary with your friends.


Papa took you to Battleship Cove. You told him you loved the Viking ships! You liked the submarines too.


You Nannie and Papa went on the paddle boats. Nannie hates the geese, she says they are vicious. You kept an eye out for them and would scream PADDLE FASTER NANNIE THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU.


You have your dad drawing the super Mario worlds that you and he complete. This fascinates you.


The ice cream truck lady is always watching to see if you will throw the door open or fly out of the house. She makes sure she drives really slowly past our house to give you time to get to her.


Papa pretends to give you a shot (with a GIANT syringe) but he fills it with water and squirts you. You both drive Nannie crazy!


Instead of knuckle bumps you give me knuckle kisses.


Papa has a meeting ever Monday with his team to discuss the week ahead. Someone had scheduled a meeting on a Tuesday and before Papa could say something someone else said “Oh No, Tuesday is Spotty day, we can’t have a meeting on Tuesday. This needs to be changed.” Another time there needed to be a lab visit and someone else said, “Crap it’s Tuesday, you can’t do this Papa. Don’t worry I will go.” Papa told them all how you are going to school come the fall and won’t have Timmy days anymore. Everyone was upset so they set up a meeting to discuss how Papa could still see you. “You need to pick him up from school”, “don’t send him to school some days so you can have adventures”…


You are addicted to baloney sandwiches. You would happily eat theses for every meal. You will no longer drink chocolate milk in a box, you say it tastes funny. You will still drink Hersey’s chocolate milk in a box, or you will allow us to make you chocolate milk with Hersey’s syrup.


You are in our pool at least 1 hour every day, on weekends it’s more like 3 or 5 hours. You have a knack for saving dragon flies that fall into the pool.


You are still the best thing that ever happened to me


I love you kiddo!

Camping with a 5 year old - Fransted and the 4th of July

Well, we told you about our hairy visitor, but that wasn’t all we did.


There was a parade

A fair

And some general campiness.

We had a great time. The weather was perfect. I can’t remember the last time we camped without rain. We had chipmunks and gray squirrels that all fought for popcorn. And a very cagy red squirrel that placed popcorn in the branches of the trees surrounding the campsite. It looked like decorated Christmas trees. Spotty had us all playing his version of Hero’s of Might and Magic. Boy Toy was the shop keeper. Spotty and I battled goblins, serpents, pirates, ghosts and dragons.


Spotty still loves to camp and we still love to camp with him. Can’t wait for labor day!



I stole the photo format from a friend she told me she used this site.  I think it’s kinda cool.

The Other Day...I Met a...

Happy belated 4th! We were up in the White Mountains of New Hampshire camping, cauz that’s how we roll. We had gorgeous weather, fireworks, parades, a fair, river walking, stone tossing and…and unexpected guest.
Spotty Chop and I were reading Saturday morning (YODA in Action for the curious), Boy Toy was still asleep in the tent. I looked up. A 70 lb bear came walking into our site! I took Spotty off my lap and put him behind me. The bear tried to climb into the Jeep (we leave a door open when we camp so Spotty can go in and out of the car when he wants). I yelled at the bear. Clapped my hands, stomped my feet.

The bear just looked at me
He kept walking towards us. Got to about 6 feet away, tried to steal our trash bag (all it had was some fruit loops and remnants of Spotty’s baloney sandwich.) I chased it, yelling, clapping etc. (I wanted it away from Spotty) when from inside the tent I hear Boy Toy snarl “what the hell is your problem?” so I yell BEAR. Boy Toy was out of the tent faster than I have ever seen him move. He got it to leave. The bear was tricky and tried to circle around us and come into our site another way, but Boy Toy followed it around until it left.

We also made ice cream it was REALLY GOOD.

And how was your weekend?

Dear Spotty Chop you are 64 months today

You no longer give us any grief when you are brushing your teeth before bed. I wonder if it has anything to do with the MASSIVE water fights you and your father get into?


You got your first song stuck in your head. “doctor doctor give me the news….”


Your head is above water in the pool, even if you are flatfoot. I have seen you doing the deadman’s float as well as floating on your back when you think no one is watching.


You still love your Bakugon more than any other toy. You play with them for hours.


You told me you hate all that winter stuff. Except for Santa, you are ok with him.


We had another carnival in our town for a few nights. You went on the busy bears (some crazy spinny ride) all by yourself. You also went on the rollercoaster by yourself. The carnies put a younger boy in next to you. We watched as you kept an eye on him and made him laugh. You even tried to teach him to put his hands in the air.


Mantha started coming over on Thursday’s for the summer.. You couldn’t be happier. I think she is pretty excited too. She is trying to get a summer job but told them that Thursdays were not an option.


B52 is trying to figure out how to schedule in some swimming time with you. He misses you.


You have decided to start watching Chaotic again, you still love watching the Bakugon Battle Brawlers and Hot Wheels Battle Force 5.


We bought daddy Mario Galaxy for father’s day. You got to the same level as he did in a much shorter time. We were both pretty blown away by it.

I don’t think you look like boy toy or me, I just don’t see it. But I just took a picture of you and when I look at it, all I see is Papa.

You told me to take your rug, valence and quilt out of your room. You had it as a baby and you aren’t a baby. I thought (was hoping) you would be closer to 10 before you wanted things to change.


We went to the drive-ins to see Toy Story 3. You loved it. Your mom and dad cried.


We have literally spent 3 or 4 hours at a time in the pool. As soon as you are out you want to go back in.


Full of love for you baby!

Advantages of living after 50!

Ok – so I am not here YET…but damn if it aint coming soon!

another funny email that crossed my path


01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, “did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20.And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Book Review: Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs

Mercy Thompson Book 4

Mercy has finally decided to become Adam’s mate and not Samuel’s and just when we were getting to the good part…up drives mom. Mom reads the newspaper, found out how her little girl was raped and almost killed. Drove immediately to the trailer to find out why the hell she didn’t call and let her know. She started to explain, but then Stephan ported in, all burnt to a crisp and managed to let her know that Marsilia knew that she had killed vampires. Adam had to call in the pack to help feed Stephan to save his undead life. If that weren’t enough the door rings again and Amber, Mercy’s college roommate stops by for the first time in 10 years to say her house was haunted and could Mercy help? So far we have almost had sex with a werewolf, vampire feedings and soon to be talking to ghosts. Now let’s talk about chapter two…

Marsilia the vampire queen is PISSED off and has marked Mercy for death. She is also tossing around a lot of magic that comes very close to killing lots of werewolves. Mercy decides that perhaps she should get out of town for a bit and see if Marsilia might calm down. So she heads to Spokane, an area that has only one vampire, no fae, no werewolves just a vampire that the other vampires call “the monster”. All Mercy needs to do is avoid his attention, which shouldn’t be hard, Washington is a big place. Mercy meets Amber’s husband Corban who’s a dick, her son Chad who’s deaf and a client of Corban’s. Any guesses as to who the client is? The ghost is trying to kill Chad. Corban doesn’t believe there is a ghost. Amber is a shell of a woman and Mercy is waking up with vampire bites on her neck.

After reading this book I realized that I have read just about everything that Patricia Briggs has done. I really enjoy her as an author. Her characters are fun. The women are strong. The worlds she writes about are interesting enough that I keep going back. She ain’t UBER AUTHOR status, but she crafts a fine tale. I wonder if she gets to pick out the cover art? I like her Mercy covers more than her Alpha & Omega covers.

Dear Spotty Chop you were 61 months old awhile ago

You had been bringing up Heaven A LOT. Where is it? Can I walk when I am there? Can I keep my eyes open? How do I get there? Can I play Bakugon? But I will miss you (which of course sent me over the edge….) Not sure where this came from, but it has made you crazy sad. I have tried to explain how Heaven is really cool, and you get to see all sorts of people and play all the time, which seemed to make you feel better until you asked “I get to come back home to you right?” I don’t have to stay there without you? Luckily I seemed to be able to give you enough info that you have stopped asking about it (THANK GOD.)

We went to the Carter Carnival; daddy went with us for the first time. You had so much fun showing him all the cool things you could do and win.

You bought daddy a new lunchbox (red to match yours) and a new water container (he needs to be re-hydrated you know) and we sent him off to his new job. You are so sweet and considerate.

We went to a Ziti dinner at your school, Terminator was there, and you introduced her to some of your friends. I was so proud of you that is such a hard thing to do and you did it well.

We also had a GREAT time over B-52 and Lennon’s house. We had our annual St. Patty’s day dinner. You played with the cats and their video games. They treat you like the king of their castle.

We also spent time at Moo; Freak Show; Hippy Chick; Cheese Please and, CR’s. We did our Easter egg coloring adventure. You played with the piano. You are not as happy about Hippy Chick having her own room as it cuts into your space. I think eventually you will get over it. There house is so welcoming to kids, I am sure to every kid, but it seems as if it is built special just for you.

Book Review: Turn Coat by Jim Butcher

Book 11 of the Dresden Files

I can’t believe I am at book 11 and I am not sick of Dresden. At all. In the least. Each book I pick up brings me as much if not more pleasure than the first. That seems a bit…weird to me. I will admit I am a series whore. I love a tale that must be told over multiple books. I want to rant at the author to write faster and don’t you dare die before you are done (yes Mr. Jordan I am looking at you sir!) I want to wallow in crazy tangents; I want to know the stories behind the stories. When you bring up a legend, I want to know that in another 20 books or so you might get around to telling me that tale...in full. I may have to start up a new category the UBER AUTORS.

Harry: Look, I’m not asking her to deactivate the tractor beam, rescue the princess, and escape to the fourth moon of Yavin. I just need to know what she’s heard and what she can find out without blowing her cover.

Harry: As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms…Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.


Molly: Damn, I’m good
Harry: No argument here…Now we have a name, a lead. One might even call it a clue
Molly: Not only that…I have a date
Harry: Good work, grasshopper…Way to take one for the team.


Murphy: I’d have to get approval from a judge, and I don’t know any of them who would take ‘my friend the wizard’s vampire brother was kidnapped by a demonic Navajo shape shifter’ as a valid justification…


Butters: Oh bite me, wizard boy…you haven’t got a moral leg to stand on. If it’s okay that I’m not a doctor, it’s okay that you aren’t a nurse. So wash your freaking hands and help me before we lose him.


Skinwalker: I will come for you. I will kill you. I will kill your blood, your friends, your beasts. I will kill the flowers in your home and the trees in your tiny fields. I will visit such death upon whatever is yours that your very name will be remembered only in curses and talks of terror.


Chandler: Five of me guarding the door? Are you mad? The sheer power of the concentrated fashion sense would obliterate visitors on sight.


Harry: Because your balls are in a vise and I’m the only one who can pull them out…Okay…That came out a little more homoerotic than I intended.
Merlin: Indeed


Harry: It was like standing in an industrial propane plant with five hundred chain-smoking pyromaniacs double-jonesing for a hit: it would only take one dummy to kill us all, and we had four hundred and ninety-nine to spare.


Madeline: You…are a bad case of herpes, wizard. You’re inconvenient, embarrassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away.


Nor do we want you to Harry

How did we laugh before there was email?

written by someone wittier than I...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda...

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of at least thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before! Regards,

The over 30 crowd

Book Review: Cry Wolf by Patricia Briggs

Alpha and Omega, Book 1

Anna is not what comes to mind when I think about werewolves, then again Anna isn’t an ordinarily werewolf. (Does anyone else find it funny that I apparently have thoughts on ordinary werewolves?)

This is a cross over from Mercy Thompson’s world. I really love authors that do that. Take a minor or new character and place it in “their” world, but slightly different. The book did take me a wee bit to get into; I kept thinking I had missed the first book in the series and was reading book two. It took me a bit to realize that this was a cross over. I think my brain needs to be exercised. I am getting too used to people starting at the beginning….or reading series where I’ve been to the beginning.

Let’s get started shall we? We meet Anna after she has been rescued from her Alpha. Her new mate Charles killed him and his second. Anna is an Omega, a wolf who has no desire to rule. An Omega has the ability to calm the most bestial of werewolves, which comes in handy as werewolves tend to be a bit…crazy. Charles is Brand’s son, the same Brand who brought up Mercy and the brother of…Samuel the wolf trying to get into Mercy’s pants. Charles is HOT and spooky everyone is afraid of him except for Anna who is afraid of everyone except him. We meet a 1300 year old wolf who has been trying to get Brand to kill him for years. Asil is afraid that he is going crazy. He keeps dreaming about his mate who was tortured hundreds of years ago. Anna and Charles aren’t having an easy time of it; Anna was raped and tortured to force her to change into an Omega. Charles is far too used to being alone. But there is a rouge wolf out there killing folks and someone has to fix things. Brand thinks it’s a great idea to send Charles and Anna out; they will have time to just be together, get to know each other. Unfortunately they meet up with a 1000 year old witch, and a werewolf that seems to be a dead ringer for Asil’s wife.

I like seeing Brand and company from a different angle. We also aren’t introduced to every mythical create out there as we are in Mercy’s world. Maybe they will be keeping this wolfier? I wonder if Mercy and Anna will meet up in the future. Not sure how I feel about that. Right now I think I like Mercy more, but I have had several books to get acquainted with her. I’m willing to give Anna some time.

Words to live by

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman (or man) tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

Book Review: Urban Shaman by C.E. Murphy

Book One: The Walker Papers

So we have the Wild Hunt, Coyote, a cabbie who used to be linebacker…40 years ago and a Shaman who’s day job is a cop, because that’s the only way she could find a job as a mechanic. Believe it or not, this actually works.

Joanne Walker was flying home from England after burying her mom when she looked out the window and “saw” a young woman being chased by a pack of dogs and a man with a knife. She meets up with Gary her cab driver. Gary thinks Joanne is crazy, but as the meter is running is happy to drive her around as she tries to “rescue” the woman from the plane. When they finally catch up with Marie who happens to be a banshee, she tells Joanne that she is running away from a God and that Joanne is going to die soon.

Joanne meets up with the Horned God and manages to get his sword stuck in her lungs. It is here where we meet up Coyote. I have to say I like the mixing of the Celtic and North American beliefs. I find I like all the old tales…well with the exception of the Norse Gods, I tried to like them, but there was too much baby killing and incest.

Coyote is Joanne’s spirit guide. He helps her heal herself; it almost doesn’t happen as Joanne doesn’t believe in this crap. Once you start believing in the unbelievable it’s all downhill from there. Marie gets murdered, the fifth similar murder in a matter of weeks. Is it the work of a serial killer or something more? While pondering the police files of the recent murders Joanne falls asleep and has an out of body experience. Joanne says it best. “Yesterday the world made sense and today I’m standing in a star pit talking to ghosts.”

Between trying to juggle her boss, who wants to fire her ass…a God’s crazy son who wants to kill her ass and new shamanic powers she needs to learn to control and do all this within 23 hours or the world as we know it will cease to exist. It’s no wonder she needs a hamburger.

I am interested in seeing where this series goes. I really like Gary, and while it may seem farfetched that a cab driver would stick around after his fare, I don’t know. If my dad were 70, with a wife dead and no kids, I can totally see him sticking around someone that needs help. Everyone needs to feel needed. Even a God.

Dear Spotty Chop you are 60 months old 97 days ago.

I told you I would get around to adding these...

The other morning your daddy opened his eyes and you were in our bed. You climbed over and lay on top of him whispering (rather loudly) “this is just a dream dada, it’s all just a dream. I slept in my bed all night long.”

While eating fruit chews with your daddy.
Dada: Look at you opening up that bad boy (as you tore open the package of fruit chews)
Spotty: Why is it a bad boy?
Dada: It doesn’t have to be a bad boy. Look at you opening up that really yummy and good thing
Spotty: Why can’t it be a bad girl?

While you were watching movies with Nannie and Papa there was a scene where storks were delivering babies to their parents. You said “that’s how I got to my mama and dada.” Nannie said “really? Do you remember that?” and you replies “well…no, maybe…I think so”.

I have no idea where the time went. I have a 5 year old boy in my life and I would not change a thing. Sometimes I have trouble catching my breath at the beauty and wonder that is you.

Dear Spotty Chop you are 63 months old today.

You asked your daddy “would it be ok if on Saturday you mama and me danced to the music on the TV?” HELL YA baby!

You don’t fuss nearly as much when I put sunscreen on you.

I am getting glimmers of what you will be like as a teen…god help the both of us.

We made monster spray. Take 1 spray bottle, wrap it in white paper. Draw things that make you happy (you chose a football, soccer ball and books) add lemon juice (monsters hate the smell of lemons and things that make us happy) and water. Spray at bedtime. So far so good, we spray the room, the floor and Spotty. No monster sightings yet!

Conversation you had with Nannie recently
Spotty: When I get married I will wear colorful clothes.
Nannie: What do you mean colorful?
Spotty: You know Oranges and Yellows
Nannie: well who are you going to marry?
Spotty: My mom silly!
Nannie: What about your dad? What will he do?
Spotty: Oh yea, he’s already married her, but that’s ok we can both be married to her. And Favorite Brother and Froggy will be my ring bearers.
Nannie: And what will they wear?
Spotty: Something colorful. Uncle Favorite Bother can wear a Dragon dress and Auntie Froggy will just be pretty.

When you fall asleep you fold your hands as if in prayer and then lay your head on top. OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO FRELLING CUTE.

We have a routine for bed. Before I leave your room I say “good night, sleep tight and dream of bed bugs tonight! And I will see you…in the…(and I make up something ridicules”) you always say “morning and night”. Then I tell you I will NOT come in to give you kisses and you tell me I must come in and give you 1 million thousand kisses. Pretty much any time I pass your room I have to wander in and give you a kiss. I like knowing you are still breathing.

You sometimes read to me when we are in the car.

You have started drinking regular milk (non-chocolate)

I can't wait for the summer to start so we can go swimming!

Before we headed up to Fransted you stubbed your toe...

Spotty: FUCK
Us: What did you just say?
Spotty: FUCK
Us: Honey that's not a word we really want to be using
Spotty: I'm not using the bad word FUCK I am using the FUCK word you use when you hurt yourself

What can we say to that?

While we were camping I forgot my glasses. You were so sweet. You held my hand and walked me to the bathroom every morning to make sure I was safe. You told me when to duck my head, and when to jump over rocks and logs. You opened up the bathroom stall and lead me into it and then walked me to the sink so I could put my contacts in. Then you took my hand and walked me back to the site.

Love you kiddo!!!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend From FransTed Family Campground!

We spent a glorious weekend up in the White Mountains of New Hampshire this weekend.



Spotty was happy to see that the river and the rocks were still there






As was the playground…







There were night time activities










Daytime activities







And a hike up Artist’s Bluff






He can’t wait till the 4th of July…and neither can we!!!

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks
up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry
on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream
and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream...It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

Book Review: Small Favors by Jim Butcher

Book Ten of the Dresden Files

Oh Harry how I have missed you! I don’t think there is anything that makes me happier (Spotty Chop excluded) than reading the Dresden Files…

Bob: As in The Three Billy Goats Gruff? You just got your ass handed to you by a nursery tale?

Harry: Think of every fairy-tale villainess you’ve ever heard of. Think of the wicked witches, the evil queens, the mad enchantresses. Think of the alluring sirens, the hungry ogresses, the savage she-beasts. Think of them and remember that somewhere, sometime, they’ve all been real…Mab gave them lessons.

Thomas: How do you want to play it if the music starts?
Harry: I’ve got nothing to prove…I say we run like little girls

Harry: I bet you say that to all the guys who glue your stomach back together.

Harry: The shelves were covered with an enormous variety of containers, from a lead-lined box to burlap bags, from Tupperware to a leather pouch made from the genital sac of, I kid you not, an actual African lion. It was a gift, don’t ask

Harry: At one time in my life, a shapeshifted, demonically possessed maniac crashing through a window and trying to rip my face off would have come as an enormous and nasty surprise…But that time was pretty much in the past.

Harry: I figured odds were fantastic that one of them would just hop over me like a Kung Fu Theater extra.

Harry: I followed the trail of smitten fiends. Smiten fiends? Smited fiends? Smoted fiends? Don’t look at me, I never finished high school.

Ms. Demeter: What can I do for you?...Wait. Allow me to rephrase. What can I do to most quickly get rid of you?

Thomas: What does a woman need to do, Harry? Rip her clothes off, throw herself on top of you, and shimmy while screaming ‘Do me, Baby!?’Sometimes you’re a friggen idiot.

Harry: Anybody with an once of sense knows that fighting someone with a significant advantage in size, weight, and reach is difficult…If you opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Roadkill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Karrin: Trying to guilt me into playing worried girlfriend, domestic defender, and surrogate mother figure, eh?
Harry: I figured it would work better than telling you to shut up and get into the kitchen.

SG1 Season 7

Native: [pointing to Teal'c] He is Jaffa.
Col. O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.


Col. O'Neill: All I'm saying... just for the record... this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302?
Col. O'Neill:Oh, yeah.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than—than blowing up a sun?
Col. O'Neill: Yep!
Maj. Carter: [to Jonas and Daniel] ...He's probably right.


Col. O'Neill: I thought we were going with Red Leader on this one.


Col. O'Neill: Haven't you guys heard the story about the dog and the dancing monkeys? It's about getting along and... dancing.


Gen. Hammond: Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?
Dr. Jackson: Stranger things have happened.
Teal'c: Name but one.
Dr. Jackson: Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies...


Dr. Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.


Col. O'Neill: It's time for Plan B.
Maj. Carter: We have a Plan B?
Col. O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.


Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that I have my mojo back.


Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.
Col. O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.


Col. O'Neill: How many times have I told you? Don't get caught by the bad guys!


Warrick: Major Carter, if you are to be my co-pilot, you will need to know how the ship works.
Maj. Carter: What is this?
Warrick: A complete operations manual for the Seberus, I had it translated for you.
Maj. Carter: Thank you!
Col. O'Neill: That's not our language!
Maj. Carter: It's mine, Sir.


Maj. Carter: It's an energy-based weapon, sir. It could, potentially, replace the missiles on the X-303.
Col. O'Neill: Phaser?
Chloe: More like a photon torpedo.


Col. Reynolds: Not much faith in Plan A?
Col. O'Neill: Since when has Plan A ever worked?


Sgt. Siler: [adjusting Jacob's armor] How's that, sir?
Jacob: Pretty good. Reminds me of my old football days.
Sgt. Siler: They had helmets back in those days, sir?
Jacob: Funny.


Teal'c: You are like a brother to me, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: You're like, what, 140?
Teal'c: A younger brother, perhaps. But that is not my point.


Daniel Jackson: Hey! Have I told you my latest theory yet? It's really cool. Lose something?
Maj. Carter: Did you see a…
Daniel Jackson: Little girl?
Maj. Carter: Yeah.
Daniel Jackson: No.


Col. O'Neill: That's what you get for dickin' around.


Maj. Carter: I feel compelled to warn you, most of the guys I've dated recently have died.


Bregman: …could we get a shot of the Gate spinning?
Maj. Carter: Sure. It's really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything.


Col. Dixon: I don't see any indication of anything here.
Dr. Balinsky: Take the usual bet on that, sir?
Col. Dixon: Sure. Wells?
Airman Wells: Abandoned naquadah mine.
Col. Dixon: Boring. But good odds. Bosworth?
Bosworth: I'm going to put my money on trees, sir.
Col. Dixon: Bosworth's disqualified for being a smart ass. I'll go with two-headed aliens.
Airman Wells: Hostile or friendly, sir?
Col. Dixon: One head good, one head bad. Balinsky?
Dr. Balinsky: Oh, the ruins of an ancient city.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, you wish.


Col. Dixon: Yeah, all-night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate them in their sleep.
Airman Wells: Sir, you have four kids.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my work so much? Don't get me wrong, I love those little buggers to death, but trust me, having four kids makes going through a Stargate facing off against alien bad guys look like nothing. This is relaxing.
Airman Wells: Then why did you have four?
Col. Dixon: Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you got to have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she want a girl so you figure "Hell, three can't be much harder than two", right? What you don't realize is that your brain's fried because you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're so deep in it that nothing seems to matter any more. It's chaos. You're just trying to make it through each day alive. In the end you spend all the energy you have trying to get them into bed only to lie awake praying they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.
Airman Wells: Can't wait, sir.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.


Dr. Balinsky: Oh, Dr. Jackson's gonna die when he sees this!
Col. Dixon: What, again?


Bregman: You know, I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later, even if all I get is a series of shots of you avoiding being got.
Col. O'Neill: Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.


President Hayes: "Hosted alien dignitaries"… "Acquired alien technology"… "Traveled back in time"? …Did they really blow up a sun?
Gen. Maynard: As I understand it, sir, yes they did.
Pres. Hayes: That's gotta look awfully good on the ol' résumé, eh?


Maj. Carter: ... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....
Col. O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
Gen. Hammond: Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.
Col. O'Neill: Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.


Dr. Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Dr. Jackson: Subtle, huh?


Dr. Jackson: "Praclarush Taonas." Jack, this is it!
Col. O'Neill:See, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.
Dr. Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.
Col. O'Neill: Following. Still. You. Not!


Dr. Weir: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink left in the kitchen.
Col. O'Neill: Is that a joke?
Dr. Weir: Perhaps. A bad one
Col. O'Neill: Yes. Very bad. But I sense hope for you.


Pres. Hayes: Will you shut the hell up?
Dr. Weir: Sorry, sir.
Pres. Hayes: Not you, Doctor.
Kinsey: Excuse me?
Pres. Hayes: Consider your resignation accepted, Bob.
Kinsey: You can't do that!
Pres. Hayes: Oh, please! I've got enough on you to have you shot.
Kinsey: This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.
Pres. Hayes: But I think I'll stick to my original thought, which is shut the hell up!

Book Review - Ill Wind by Rachel Caine

Book 1

A girl and her car. When I turned 16 my dad bought a ‘69 Camaro…Convertible…Stock…prettiest shade of blue (Bright Blue Met. 71 for those in the know) you have ever seen. He bought it so his baby didn’t drive a shit-box. I love my dad!

I mention this because Joanne has a ‘71 midnight blue Mustang that she loves like a baby. If you have never driven a Muscle car I pity you. There is NOTHING like it. Cars today just don’t have the personality or raw power that they did then. And Joanne needs power. She is a Weather Warden, part of the Warden Association, a group of individuals who specialize in some of the Earth’s greatest elements. These Wardens have been around since forever, trying to keep Mother Earth from killing her unknowing passengers. There are three types Fire, Earth and Weather. Weather Wardens manipulate the weather to the benefit of mankind. Hurricane Andrew? Killed 20 Wardens and stripped the powers of at least 10 more. There were hundreds of Wardens working to control the storm, a storm that seemed to have a hunger, or a purpose. Imagine how bad it could have been without the Wardens.

But the Wardens don’t work alone. They have Djinns at their sides to be used as a source of power, kind of like a superconductor. They must obey their masters. But the Djinn are not slaves, and as it is said “the Djinn are children of fire…Fire serves no one forever. It is always ready to burn the hand that it warms.” So to explain in a nutshell, really powerful folks use demented almost all powerful beings to try to save the human race. But that isn’t the only faction. There are demons.

Aren’t there always? Demons are actually more powerful than Djinns, and they want access to our world in the worst way. Luckily for us they leave a mark on anyone they touch. Unluckily Joanne has the mark, through no fault of her own. All the girl wanted was the perfect bathing suit and a killer tan, is that too much to ask? Did I mention the dead body? Or the fact that Joanne killed her boss?

So we have one girl on the run; Wardens and Djinn acting as bounty hunters; lightning acting like Precision Attack Air-to-Surface Missiles every time she tries to leave her car. Friends who treat her like enemies, Enemy’s that may or may not be on her side, Delilah (her Stang…) isn’t feeling so very good. She has no clothes, no tampons and is wearing heals. What is a poor girl to do? Stop for a hitch hiker of course, but such a pretty hitchhiker…a girl has needs you know. And then things get interesting.

Perhaps not as interesting as drag racing down 128 at midnight in a 69 Camaro Convertible…stock, vs. a 1973 GTO, 1980 Corvette and a 1970 Chevelle…but that my friends is a story for another day.