24 June, 2009

Work Joke

Five cannibals get jobs as computer programmers.
During his welcome the boss says: "You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees." The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

14 June, 2009

Book Review: The Good Guy

What would you do if you were hanging at the bar, trying to chill when some weaselly looking guy sits down next to you and starts chatting you up? What if he gives you an envelope that has quite a bit of money in it and a photo of a woman? What if he tells you you can get the rest when she is gone? What would you do if a few minutes later the real killer for hire shows up? I guess it depends on what kind of man you are.

12 June, 2009

Book Review: Dead Beat

Book Seven of the Dresden Files

There are life lessons going on here people! Zen and the art of polka

Harry: Mouse liked going places in the car. That the place had happened to be a clandestine meeting in a freaking graveyard didn’t seem to spoil anything for him. It was all about the journey, not the destination. A very Zen soul was Mouse.

Butters: Screw up my life?…I’m a five-foot-three, thirty-seven-year-old, single, Jewish medical examiner who needs to pick up his lederhosen from the dry cleaners so that he can play in a one-man polka band at Oktoberfest tomorrow…Do your worst.

Harry: Took cover…in the action business when you don’t want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it ‘taking cover’. It’s more heroic.

Harry: Listen to me…we are not going to die…and do you want to know why? Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I am too stubborn to die…and most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.

10 June, 2009

Book Review: Blood Rites

Book Six of the Dresden Files

Why are you reading a blog when you could be reading…?

Thomas: An errand is getting a tank of gas or picking up a carton of milk or something. It is not getting chased by flying purple pyromaniac gorillas hurling incendiary poo.

And though I think you don’t need to read anything more. THAT should have been enough.

Harry: Run away. Me and Monty Python

Harry: Ye canna change the laws of physics

Ok so those two mean nothing to you and something to me. But that’s why I love these books so much. I could actually see myself hanging out with Harry (or Butcher for that matter) we would have things to talk about, things to laugh at. That’s the most important thing about your friends, they get you.

09 June, 2009

Teaser Tuesday

I am joining the fun over at . Reading Adventure (who is joining the fun over at Should be Reading )

  • Teaser Tuesday is hosted by : Should be Reading
  • Grab your current read.
  • Let the book fall open to a random page.
  • Share with us two (2) “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.
  • You also need to share the title of the book that you’re getting your “teaser” from … that way people can have some great book recommendations if they like the teaser you’ve given!
  • Please avoid spoilers!

The Taking - Dean Koontz - p205

They were all dead...in the mirror. Do they die at the bank?

05 June, 2009


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

03 June, 2009

Dear Spotty Chop you are 51 months old today

Spots I would like to take a little time out of my regularly scheduled letter to reiterate how frelling much your Nannie and Papa love you. (Gramie and Grumpa love you too, but they are a subject for another day.)

Did you know that Papa leaves work as early and often as he can so he can come home to play with you?

The secretaries know that on Tuesday when my dad has an offsite meeting it’s with you? They will not schedule anything that day so he can play with you.

You sit on his back while he crawls around the house.

There is a story you like called “Pete’s Pizza. Papa lays you on the couch “rolls the dough” (you), “kneads the dough” (you), adds “oil” (water), sauce (uses a toilet paper tube), salt, pepper, onion (pieces of paper), pepperoni (checkers). Then he picks you up, puts you in the oven (lays you on a chair), shuts the door (puts a blanket over you), takes you out and cuts you up (tickles you).

He takes you on dump runs where you can explore.

He brings you to the dry cleaning store to pick up his shirts where Mr. Popodoplopoulous gives you lolly pops and lets you push the button to make the clothes go around.

He brings you to the wine store to pick up wine for Nannie, you go hunting for animals (on the wine labels) the check out girls give you lolly pops.

He takes you to the park across the street

He chases you around the yard and has races with you.

He lets you get as wet as you want and splash in as many puddles as there are.

You lay on his chest when you watch TV and movies.

He will play cars for hours with you.

Nannie on the other hand reads to you for hours at a time (yes Papa reads to you as well). She once had to turn on the TV because she had read to you for 3 hours straight.

Nannie taught you how to use a cash register. How to price food, make change. She makes learning a game. You soak it all in.

Nannie will say to you “if only I had the number 47”. You will run to the refrigerator and bring it back to her.

You love to do your “school books” with her. Any type of workbook, letters or numbers.

She gives you tubbies, and makes a huge deal out of how much I love to smell your hair when you are clean.

You love to help her walk, you move her cane forward. You have no idea how difficult you make it for her to walk, but you are so happy that you can help she keeps her mouth shut.

She is teaching you the map of the United States. You love the competitions she sets up. You love to win.

Nannie plays games with you and challenges your mind to grow.

Nannie used to make fun of grandparents that talked about their grandkids, she can’t shut up about you.

Manners are big with Nannie. You now remind all of us to use a napkin.

Nannie always has a cupcake for you. They always have a ring, or toy on top of it. You have a “collection box” at their house so you can store them. You love showing me your latest.

Nannie and you play on the computer all the time. You find games and make stories. Last week while Nannie was making you lunch you were able to navigate to PBS.org and you created some stories all by yourself. You were so proud to show her and tell her you were the author of the month.

She calls me up constantly to tell me something you said or did. You make she and Papa laugh more than anything ever has.

You think that Tuesday is the best day of the week because you get to go to Nannie and Papa’s.

They actually look forward to sleepovers with you because they get you for extra time.

There is so much more they do with you. I wish I could take pictures of it all to keep so you can look at it when you get older. This will have to do for now.

Love ya kiddo!!!

02 June, 2009

Violence UnSilenced Needs your help

The website: Violence UnSilenced has been nominated for the BlogLuxe 2009 Most Inspiring Blog Award, to be presented at BlogHer 2009.

It is a place for victims of domestic abuse to share their stories. It is a place for those of us that read these stories to congratulate them for surviving, living, coping with what has happened. It is a place for folks that are being abused to see that they are not alone.

- Any of you blog? Read blogs? Know what a blog is? Vote

- Any of you on facebook? This is more important than knowing what kind of underwear you are. Vote

- Any of you know what a computer is? – stop surfing the net for….articles. Vote

It’s simple – click on the link below and then choose “Most inspiring blog”. You can then press the VOTE! Button under Violence UnSilenced. See how easy that was? You can vote once a day. I am not expecting all of you slackers to do this, but for but for those of you that said yes to any of the bullet points up top; I know where you live.


Here is the post I wrote awhile ago.

I apologize in advance if this type of crap annoys you, but feel free to read this and ignore it...and burn in hell for eternity.


01 June, 2009

Book Review: Magic Bites

Kate Daniels, Book 1

Kate is a mercenary. She lives in Atlanta and carries a sword. The Atlanta she knows is a bit different than ours; sometimes magic works and sometimes its technology. Problem is you are never sure which one it’s going to be.

Kate has problems. Problems with authority, problems keeping her mouth shut, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Her biggest problem right now is trying to figure out who killed her guardian. Is it the shape shifters, the vampires or something new?

I was just looking for fluff – I may be getting a bit of substance here…