Mothers and the women who love them

A few months ago, at some point, my car engine blew up for the second time in 2 months. I was a bit distraught and for some reason decided that working from my parent’s home would be easier than going into the office. Below is a conversation I had with a co-worker. And YES both mothers are still alive…

-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:14 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume
Then she said "you smell like pot".
Yes mom I need to toke up with Spotty Chop in the car on the ride into work.
No one has smoked pot anywhere near her in over 20 years...


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:15 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Your response should have been
"I was just about to say the same of you Mother..."


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:16 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


GOOD ONE!!!!



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:53 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Just to make sure you don't feel alone...
Shorty wanted to tell me that my father finally admitted that she was right about sunblock... no one ever argued, we all just hate
sunblock.... She also tried to tell me about all the other things that she was right about, but I ignored her. I must have been busy when the announcement came out that God has stepped down and my little ray of sunshine has taken over... God help me.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:58 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I just got the "you need to stop giving Spotty Chop mac & cheese. A study just came out. It is the worst thing you can give kids." Also "stop buying junk food. Boy Toy will just have to eat fruits and veggies."


I can't count high enough for the things that woman is right about and
the rest of us mere mortals are wrong...Maybe I can let her know that
God's spot is already taken by Shorty...after she wakes up from her nap.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:08 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

KILLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


We just got into an argument. She went to take a nap. The phone rang. I let it ring. She comes waddling out of the bedroom. "who is it?"

How the F should I know ma?

So I say do you want me to answer the phone? She says "yes, tell them I'm napping". I'm like, I will just say you are unavailable. And I get, with tude…"This is not a business. Tell them I am napping."


Whatever byotch.


But really you want people to know you are asleep you old fart?


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:13 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


I would say "I think the pipe finally caught up w/ her... she is just chillin'. Can she call you back when the buzz wears off?"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:14 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I say let's put them in a room and let them find out who is #1 and who is #2... But I will warn mama me... Shorty's motto is "the view doesn't change unless you are the lead dog"...


-----Original Message-----From: me


Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:15 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Mama me's motto is "bring it"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:16 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


We could sell tickets....


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:17 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I will sell popcorn!


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:19 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


How about Mac and Cheese instead?


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:25 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

But maybe they would spend so much time assuring each other that they did not fail as mothers that we could sneak away...

 -----Original Message-----

From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:26 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Like they wouldn't hunt us down like dogs?

And if the phone rings again - start messing w/ her... tell her you didn't hear anything... Mom, how long have you been hearing bells?



The conversation went downhill from there…