Makes me laugh

I have a weekly engagement planner that I love its called “The B Word 2008”.
Here are some of the words of wisdom I have been given so far this year:

Being bitchy and unstable is part of my mystique.
I NEVER met a man I couldn’t blame.
If you want to bitch about something…take a number!
Oh, I’m sorry. You must be confusing me with the maid we don’t have.
I still miss my ex, but my aim is getting better!
I married Mr. Right. I just didn’t know his first name was “Always”.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!
I tried to drown my troubles but my husband learned how to swim!
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!
I’m not really a bitch. I just play one in your life.
No more diet pills for you little miss crabby ass!
I ran into my ex- put it in reverse and hit him again!
I used to care but now I take a pill for that