Book Review: Dragon Bones by Patricia Briggs

The Hurog Duology, Book 1

Don’t you love reading about families that are more frelled up than yours?
Let’s introduce the HUROG family. There’s Dad – the raging lunatic that almost beat his eldest son Ward to death leaving him mentally challenged. Next is the sister Ciarra who doesn’t speak. And finally? The youngest son Tosten. He left home after Ward walked in on him attempting suicide. We could talk about mom, but she has been beaten down so long she only sees and hears what she wants to.

Did I mention that Hurog means Dragon in the old tongue? Dragons filled their skies. Hurog used to be a grand keep with bold vision and luck to spare. Something happened to change all that. Not only are the dragons all gone, but with them the dwarfs. Now Hurog barely manages to hold onto what’s theirs.

As luck would have it Ward’s dad is thrown by his horse and dies. Ward was trying to figure out how to explain to everyone that he really wasn’t stupid; he just pretended to be so that his father wouldn’t kill him. Unfortunately there are uncles and cousins with their own problems who actually want to do what’s right for Hurog. So they overthrow Ward.

Throw in a ghost, a goddess, a dwarf and more killing and you’ve got yourself a party!

BUFFY - Season 5

Oh how I love thee!!! (and god bless rainy holiday weekends!)

Willow: Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?

Buffy: You're sure this is not just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've met a lot of pimply, overweight vamps calling themselves Lestat.

Xander: Where did you pick up the fruity accent? Sesame Street? "One victim, two victims, ah, ah, ah"

Xander: Where is he?! Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap! I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.

Buffy: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming Committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you suck.

Buffy: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home! [swings ax]
Dawn: Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
Buffy: Fine! I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night! [swings ax] That you got Anya hurt! [swings ax] Invited a vampire in! [swings ax] Got kidnapped! ...

Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Xander: I need a better place. Hey Buff, you've been to Hell. They've got one-bedrooms, right?

Buffy: Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z — from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.

Big Vampire: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

Buffy: [pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.

Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.

Buffy: I just had a bad day.
Dawn: Well, join the club.
Buffy: Could I be president?
Dawn: I'm president. You could be the janitor.

Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.

Spike: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you.

Donny: Tara, if you don't get in that car, I swear by God I will beat you down!
Xander: And I swear by your full and manly beard, you're gonna break something trying.

Anya: I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!

Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.

Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not say that.

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."

Xander: So, how goes the slaying?
Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night.
Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us about the killing, Buff.
Buffy: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.

Willow: Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.

Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp?

Glory: Never send a minion to do a god's work.

Spike: Brown robe types are always protecting something. It's the only way they can justify giving up girls.

Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!

Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
Dawn: All true?
Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise…
Tara: The reindeer part was nice.

Spike: [while being tortured by Glory] Yeah, OK, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words: the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim ex-god like you.

My Top 10 Fantasy Men – updated for 2009

I love the Mentalist. I think it’s one of the best shows on right now. But lately I am finding that I am getting distracted by…Tim Kang


Every time this man is on I realize that I stop paying attention to what’s being said. He just gets hotter every time I see him. In part it’s because I really like his personality on the show. In part it’s because I want…him



So being filled with lusty thoughts of the stars of today (and having several folks send me current photos of Robert Plant…) I have decided to update my list.



Mr. "I Aim to Misbehave" himself. Nathan Fillion. He should have been on the list last year. It’s a browncoat thing.





Johnny Depp. What is there to say about this man that hasn’t been said already? Plus he cleans up well…not that I need him to (and for the record, he is not on my list because of that “other” list, he could have been on the list last year too).



Anthony Stewart Head – not your traditional hottie, but dude, I want to be stuck in the library…really



And as I was looking for photos of Giles I came across this…



I actually have had no interest in David Boreanaz. Something about him just doesn’t work for me. Not that there is anything wrong with him. And then I saw this photo…and kept going back to the photo…I couldn’t figure it out…then I realized. It’s the facial hair. HE IS HOT with facial hair people HOT HOT HOT.



Heath Ledger. So very pretty. And sad. (with or without facial hair)




Robin Dunne – I dunno he kind of crept up on me. Didn’t really think of him “in that way”, and then I said to myself, “self…I think I wanna get me some of dat.”

These are my boys that have carried over. God bless their genetics!



Will Smith – he is just a stunning example of good looks, and he makes me laugh.




Ben Bowder – in or out of leather pants he is a STUD Muffin




Adrian Paul – Is he ever going to look old? I hope to Christ not. His smile will never stop making me happy


And I have a “look for in 2010”.




Lee Thomson Young is just a little too…young looking for my tastes. But I think give him a few years to get some age lines and he will be SMOKING…

Interested in last year’s list?
Here ya go.

Book Review: The Pearls by Deborah Chester

Book One of the Pearls and the Crown

Shandrael is a man without a soul. His Emperor has betrayed him, his gods have left him and he is not a happy camper. Then his brother comes up with a plot to save their homeland. A land Shandrael has foresworn as there is no loyalty but to the army; an army that dishonorably discharged he and his men. Brooding fuck.

Lea is beauty, light and joy. She is on a mission to her homeland to oversee the Holdenthal festival. And no one seems to be listening to her, even though she is the sister of the Emperor and has powers of her own. Sounds like she is whiney, but she isn’t. I think I like her.

It looks like we have a typical story of redemption here. Good girl tries to save the bad boy. But is it really that simple? The Emperor has been betrayed, but is it his sister that has betrayed him? Shandrael and Lea aren’t the only folks in this tale and it seems there may be a deeper game being played out.

Tune in sometime in the future where I will answer the questions of…

• Why do strong women do stupid things even when they know better?

• Will a gladiator slave turned King always be looked down upon?

• When will “the government” realize that trying to suppress old religions just never works?

• Why must brooding men be pretty?

Star Wars in Concert

This past weekend boy toy and I went to see Star Wars in Concert. It was amazing! I don’t often get a chance to see symphony orchestras. Getting to see the London Philharmonic, with choir AND watching a specially edited version of all 6 films? ON A HUGE LED screen? Add to that seeing parts of the handwritten score by John Williams along with costumes and helmets and blasters…OH MY!

If you are a Star Wars freak you have to see this show.

If you loved the original trilogy and hated the 2nd? I think you would enjoy this.

If you have never see Star Wars and have finally crawled out of the deep dank crypt you have been living in and want to know what the hell is this Star Wars thing? See the show.

If you hate Star Wars? You are a pimple on the butt of society and should be popped.

We didn’t bring Spotty Chop. We talked about it and I am so glad we did not take him. He would have hated this. He loves Star Wars. Or at least the “world of Star Wars” as seen via Star Wars Legos and the countless “I can read books”. This was too loud. Lots of the imagery would have scared him and the story was not linear. This is not to say that kids would not like this. There were hundreds of kids at the show we went to. They all seemed to love it. This just wasn’t right for our boy.

I hope it comes around again!

Book Review: This Septer’d Isle by Mercedes Lackey & Roberta Gellis

The Doubled Edge, Book 1

How to begin describing a tale in which one of the most fearsome riders in the Wild Hunt turns into…a baby sitter? I should first warn you that this is a collaboration between Mercedes Lackey and Roberta Gellis. I don’t really know anything about Gellis, I am sure I could look her up, but so can you. The reason I warn is that Lackey seems to have the same affect on readers as George W. has on voters. You either love or you hate. There really isn’t any middle ground.

This is a story of King Henry the VIII’s bastard son FitzRoy, the Seleighe court elves that try to protect him and the Unseleigh court that wants him dead. All in all it’s a nice fantasy read with enough historical fact to keep the mind entertained. PLEASE do not read this if you are expecting historical accuracy. Read a text book. This is a fantasy read. The fact that they get castle names right is good enough for me.

The premise of the story is that the Seleighe court gets a vision of a fork in the future. There is death and pain for the mortals on one side (Inquisition) and on the other the future looks very bright. The only way to keep it that way is to protect one small redheaded child. Denoriel is just the fae for the job. Even if he doesn’t want it.

I really enjoyed reading about the lengths Denoriel had to go through to get close and stay close to FitzRoy. A lot of times authors just throw magic around to solve everything. Don’t get me wrong, magic is tossed, but they at least acknowledge that sometimes you need to have a legit reason to be where you are.

There are a huge slew of characters you should have heard about before: Queen Catherine, Princess Mary, the Boelyn’s, His Grace Norfolk, to name just a few. They come and go as they should. You gleam insight into how the world was back then, and who’s to say that in jolly ole England there weren’t evil fae causing mischief and mayhem?

The joys of being an Uncle

Over the weekend Spotty Chop and I were planning on doing some baking. Spotty said "I know, we can bake a birthday cake for favorite uncle!" So we did. I called the favorite and asked if he would be around on Tuesday as Spotty would be at Nannies and had baked him a cake.

I could hear in his voice how tickled he was that Spotty did that for him, so he said he would be there with bells on.


Now how do you think he repaid me for my son's thoughtfulness? Any thoughts?

Did I get flowers? A new book? an old book? OH no. Favorite Uncle introduced my son, my perfect angel to...


the self inflating whoopee cushion


HOURS of entertainment people HOURS!


and in the immortal words of my mom... "why on EARTH are you people laughing so hard? Why do you think this is funny?"


HOURS of fun...

MY FAVORITE BOOK HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A VIDEO GAME!!!!

Oh my god. I dorked out yesterday in the biggest way.

Dante's Inferno. Ever heard of it?

Dante Alighieri, Italian poet, wrote the one book if I was stuck on a deserted island I couldn't live without.

I have my dad's copy that he read in college.

9 circles of hell?

Here is a preview of the game. It looks AMAZING!!!!


Here is the offical website. Has a ton of dork filled info about Dante, the poem, the game, the levels of HELLLLLLLLlllll.

2-9-10

WOOOO WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Book Review: Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

What do you do when you are 20,000 feet in the air (or however high up you are from LaGuardia to Logan) and you realize that you HATE the book you are reading? I should not have picked up this book in the first place. I hate boxing, MMA etc. I think it’s stupid. Don’t get me wrong I am not trying to say it’s not a sport or that the people that do it or like it are stupid. I just can’t wrap my head around people punching each other in the face for fun. I know it might sound like I am a hypocrite as I am a HUGE fan of folks getting their asses kicked if they need kicking. But that’s rage. When I see folks in a ring, it’s not to uphold justice or because they have PMS it’s for FUN? WTF?

So I am stuck on a plane with nothing to read but the book a former boss interoffice mailed me. I hate the characters. What the hell is wrong with these people? I am so sick and tired of the whole “dare to be different, embrace anarchy” bullshit that these young whipper snappers are into. You are not different or unique. YOU ARE AN ASSHAT. You want to be different? Rake your elderly neighbor’s yard at night without anyone knowing you did it. “OOOOH I wanna cause a revolution. Let’s pee in the soup.” Frell you! You know what? I did that shit in High School; when I was drunk. And if I could go back in time I would cut a byotch. I would head-butt myself, kick me in the crotch and tell me to go the Frell home. Fing pussy.

As I sit drinking a small cup of water because gods forbid they still give you the craptastic bag of 3 peanuts, I am overcome with dread. I signed up for the Cannonball Read. I have read some of the reviews folks have written. They are insightful, they are long and they make you want to read the book. Here I am contemplating leaving the book next to the airsick bags. I don’t want to finish it. Would it really be cheating if I don’t finish the book? I mean I can still review it. BUT I DON”T HAVE ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY TO READ ANOTHER BOOK THIS WEEK(…unless it’s the new Wheel of Time book..What has happened to Perrin, will this new guy butcher the story????) I force myself to continue reading.

Something happens; in the story. I sit up. I read some more. I must now finish the book. I need to know about this something. What is going on?

Was it worth finishing?

Guess you will have to read it yourself to find out

Dear Spotty Chop you are 56 months old today

You love listening to me tell stories when we are driving. Some of your favorites have included Super Hero Orange Juice Baby, Broccoli Super Hero and Apple Super Hero. If I do not tell the story long enough you tell me “there are still more pages left”.

You love telling your father and me that we smell like toilet paper.

At school you had the quote of the day with this one:
Spotty: did you know you can only grow up to 40, that’s as high as you can go
Teacher: so what happens if you are 41 you just say you are 40?
Spotty: yup
Teacher: how did you find this out?Spotty: My mom told me

This was a big month for you. You were a ring bearer at Favorite Brother and Froggy’s wedding. You took your job very seriously. Practiced at Nannies, told everyone about the “special outfit” you had to wear. “It’s a Tuxedo!”

You looked so handsome walking down the aisle. Your footsteps were…measured. You held the pillow carefully. You did not run. You shook Favorite Brother’s hand and said “good luck”. You even managed to handle the unexpected. At the rehearsal they had you and your “co-bearer” walk down the aisle and you did fine. Later on in the ceremony we hear the priest say “if the ring bearers would bring the rings up”. We didn’t know this was going to happen, but I pushed you onto the aisle and you walked right up and did your bit.

You did great during the photos. You didn’t whine or act crazy. During the party you danced like a mad man. Nannie got upset that we let you go down the elevator by yourself (1 floor) and let you run across the floor below and then back up the stairs. But there were several children at the party and everyone was wound up and this let you blow off steam. You said hello, shook people’s hands and looked them in the eye when you were speaking with them.

You told Nannie that finding the other ring bearer’s button in the church was the BEST part of the wedding.

I woke you up the other morning and you said “I just had the best dream of my entire life!. The Disney characters were trying to get into my car Donald Duck was trying to get in from up top and he left his mark on top of the car!!!” Before we left the house you said “mama, there was a second part to my dream. You and daddy gave me a whole bunch of Bakugon’s. It was awesome.”

Halloween was a blast this year. You picked your own costume (Jenga Fett) and had a great time going to all of the houses and getting candy. Well, once I explained that we were NOT going home to play your new video game. Boy toy brought you to Game Stop to pick out the new Ben 10 Vilgaks revenge game. In hindsight perhaps we should have waited until Sunday to pick up the new game, you are after all your parent’s child and nothing is more exciting than a new video game. Most people were very generous and many let you take more than a few pieces. You did get rather annoyed at the one house where you got a single piece of bubble gum. You were trying to imply to the gentleman in question that 1 piece wasn’t enough, but I got you out of there and at the next house you got more than enough. We only went up and down 1 street, but it is an insanely long street that took us over an hour to go up and down. Your bucket was completely full and was beginning to hurt my arm, which was perfect timing. You were so generous and made sure that if you were having a piece of candy that you brought one to dada and me. I can’t wait for next year.

You also asked me the other day how old you were going to get. I tried to explain that you don’t really know how old you are going to get and you said, “you were just kidding when you said 40 right? You don’t stop at 40?” Nope kiddo you don’t.


Favorite Books: you are re-reading Captain Underpants 1-5
Favorite Toys: Tinker Toys, Bakugon, PSP - Ben Ten
Favorite TV Shows: Hot Wheels Battle Force 5, Rollbots, Brainsurge.