Firefly

Now if you had watched this I wouldn’t be done watching the series already…

Mal: We are not gonna die. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!

(Wash is playing with plastic dinosaurs.)
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Yes...yes. This is a land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...this land. (as Allosaur) I think we should call it your grave! (as Stegosaurus) Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! (as Allosaur) Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE! (as Stegosaurus) Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven...

Inara: So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?
Book: I brought you some supper, but.… if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepared. Sin, and hellfire… one has lepers.
Inara (smiling): I think I'll pass.

Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoe: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

Mal: [to Jayne] Now, you've only got to scare him.
Jayne: Pain is scary.

Mal: Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you're flyin' about with us brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?
Book: Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here.
Mal: If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You're welcome on my boat - God ain't.

Zoe: You don't think that changes the situation a bit?
Mal: I surely do. Makes it more fun!
Zoe: Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That's just 'cause- I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
Mal: Well, [if] that happens, let me know.

Mal: It sounds like the finest party I can imagine getting paid to go to.
Inara: I don't suppose you'd find it up to [the] standards of your outings. More conversation, and somewhat less.… petty theft and getting hit with pool cues.

Mal: It would be humiliating, having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man.
[He lightly stabs Atherton.]
Mal: Guess I'm just a good man.
[He repeats the poking.]
Mal: Well, I'm all right.

River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are.
Mal: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

Jayne: "Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. [flips page] Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

Mal: Cut her down!
Patron: The girl is a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she's our witch. [cocks gun] So cut her the hell down.

Inara: So… explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?
Mal: Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. Besides, them soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. There's a whole… airflow.
Inara: And you'd know that because…?
Mal: You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I am a mystery.
Inara: [laughs] Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question.

Mal: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

Mal: I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump.
Zoe: No one's saying that, sir.
Wash: Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.

Kaylee: Bye now. Have good sex.

Simon: My God. You're like a trained ape... without the training!

Mudder (singing): He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor / Stood up to the man and he gave him what-for / Our love for him now ain't hard to explain / The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!

Simon: How did… how did you know? River, did you…?
River: "Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement, based on solar cycles. It's not applicable.

Inara: What's going on here?
Kaylee: Oh, well, let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain 'n' Zoe are off springing the others got snatched by the Feds!

Book: You're moon-lighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
Simon: No. But, I am thinking of growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

Mal: [to Inara] Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots...

Zoe: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
Wash: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.

Book: This is precision work. Sharpshooters. From the look of these wounds I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle. Laser sights.
Jayne: You do a lot of shootin' there at the abbey, Shepherd?
Book: Rabbits.

Zoe: I understand. We have no choice. [deadpan] Take me, sir. Take me hard.

Mal: Yeah. That went well.
Inara: You call this going well?
Mal: We got the goods, didn't we?
Inara: Yes, but-
Mal: Then I call this a win. What's the problem?
Inara: Shall I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere, or the part where you have no clothes?

Jayne: What'd y'all order a dead guy for?

Mal: You wanna explain to me exactly why you got yourself all corpsified and mailed to me?

Jayne: Don't much see the benefit in getting involved in strangers' troubles without a up-front price negotiated.
Book: These people need assistance. The benefit wouldn't necessarily be for you.
Jayne: That's what I'm sayin'.
Zoe: No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative.
Jayne: Good! Don't know these folks, don't much care to.
Mal: They're whores.
Jayne: I'm in.

Mal: I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk.
Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already?
Mal: Well, that one's kinda horrific.

Kaylee: Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all.

Kaylee: Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.
Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?
Wash: 'Cause you're pretty.

Mal: Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?
Inara: Will you wash it first?

Mal: Well, lady, I must say — you're my kinda stupid.

Wash: Little River gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?
Zoe: Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up.
Wash: I hope she does the soup thing, it's always a hoot and we don't all die from it.

Mal: Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't.
Jayne: What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch?
Wash: [sarcastically] Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the beast.
Jayne: She's in Congress?
Wash: How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious.

Simon: So you're a bounty hunter.
Early: No, that ain't it at all.
Simon: Then what are you?
Early: I'm a bounty hunter.

Simon: You're outta your mind.
Early: That's between me and my mind.

Early: Where'd she go?
Simon: I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship — don't look at me.

I friggen loved this show…