SG1 Season 8

Dr. Jackson: I was just going over some research material on the delegates they're sending. Camulus was the one who sent the original message. Then there's Amaterasu, Japanese Sun Goddess, and the last one is Lord Yu.
Dr. Weir: Yu?
Dr. Jackson: Don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.

Dr. Weir: Oh, I'm not sure anything can surprise me at this point.
Camulus: I wish to request asylum.
Dr. Weir: Well, it seems I was wrong again.


Col. O'Neill: Sweet. What is it?
Dr. Jackson: We don't know, you made it.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.

Col. O'Neill: I've spent my whole life stickin' it to the Man. If I do this, I'll be the Man. I don't think I can be the Man.


Dr. Jackson: Yeah, don't take General O'Neill's decision personally.
Col. Vaselov: Frankly, his attitude is offensive. It leads me to wonder if he knows the cold war is over.
Dr. Jackson: His attitude has nothing to do with you being Russian. He's an equal opportunity offender.

Lt. Col. Carter: Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?
Gen. O'Neill: I thought it odd he was shooting up the Gate room.


Ba'al: You dare mock me?
Gen. O'Neill: Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.
Ba'al: You have one more day.
Gilmore: Is it really wise to provoke him?
Gen. O'Neill: It's what I do


Dr. Lee: Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.
Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.
Gen. O'Neill: I thought a failsafe was meant to be somewhat safe from failure


Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.


Gen. O'Neill: I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.


Jack O'Neill: They want a what?
Sam Carter: A goat, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
Sam Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
Sam Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
Jack O'Neill: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.


Gen. O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

Bra'tac: May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.

Dr. Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, where'd I learn that from?


Gen. O'Neill: General!
Gen. Hammond: Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
Gen. O'Neill: Absolutely not! Welcome.
Gen. Hammond: Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Miss the chair?
Gen. Hammond: Actually I do.
Gen. O'Neill: Want it back?
Gen. Hammond: As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
Gen. O'Neill: That's not exactly what I meant...


Dr. Jackson: Uh, the name's Olo. Hans Olo.


Garan: Surrender your weapons, or die where you stand!
Gen. O'Neill: Oh, if I had a nickel...

Gen. O'Neill: Five bucks says Carter has a theory.

Gen. O'Neill: Jacob!
Jacob: Jack, we've got a problem. We need to talk.
Gen. O'Neill: Hi! Hello. How are ya? Long time, no see. What's doing? What's up? Hey, buddy!
Jacob: I'm sorry, Jack. It's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion.
Gen. O'Neill: Thanks.
Jacob: You deserve it.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes. Well... What's up?
Jacob: The Replicators. They've launched an all out attack on the Goa'uld. If the Goa'uld can't find a way to stop them, the Replicators will easily overrun our galaxy, in a matter of weeks.
Gen. O'Neill: Why didn't you say so?


Gen. O'Neill: Don't be afraid to remind him that we've saved his cute little grey bum several times.


Gen. O'Neill: I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.


Ba'al: You cannot be serious.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.
Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.
Gen. O'Neill: I think big.


Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.


Dr. Jackson: You mean, they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
Oma Desala: Okay. Maybe not the naked part.


Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
Lt. Col. Carter::...There are no fish in this pond, are there?
Gen. O'Neill: Nope.


Dr. Jackson: I can't believe I'm finally gonna prove that the Great Pyramids predate the 4th dynasty.
Lt. Col. Carter: So, what are you gonna do? Stand in the picture holding a newspaper with today's date?


Dr. Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Why's that?
Dr. Jackson: Where am I?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?
Dr. Jackson: No, I mean the me from your time line.
Alt. Teal'c: I killed you.
Dr. Jackson: Why?
Alt. Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.
Dr. Jackson: A good reason.
Alt. Dr. Carter: It was horrible!
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.
Dr. Jackson: You don't know?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Well, I know why I'm here.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Good. Let's start there.