More the B word

I finished your laundry. The ashes are in the fireplace.

Being a crabby bitch is part of my charm

I like my men super rich and almost dead

Oh, shit. I’ve turned into my mother!

If it fits in a toaster, I can cook it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

The first two husbands are just for practice.

I can only please one person per day. Today I choose me!

Opposites attract. Then they drive each other insane.

Kinky as a cheap garden hose.

My sexual preference is often

I’m very receptive to compliments today.

Once I thought I was a slut, then I realized I was acting like a man.

Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!

Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can’t even get into my own pants!

Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.

I tried marrying money, but this snotty guy came with it!

Every day I give my family two choices for dinner...Take it or Leave it

Don't hate yoruself in the morning. Sleep till noon!