04 May, 2012

Buffy Season 7

Holy Crap no more Buffy. This was a phenomenal series. The acting was good, the stories were great. This is a show I cannot wait to show Spotty Chop. “Look, smart girls are both beautiful and fun.” I think the thing I liked most about the series is that it never took itself too seriously. I mean hot chick in heals and leather pants kicks vampire, demon and god(ess) ass. Really? I think I am a closet romantic, don’t tell anyone, but my heart broke multiple times as the Scooby squad grew, shrunk and transformed.

I recently read somewhere that a theory is out equating the rise in violence against women to the amount of accepted violence to women on TV. I remember thinking “wow, Buffy gets her ass handed to her daily," but it’s not gratuitous violence, she’s kicking ass against Big Bad’s. The story wouldn’t work if she never got hit. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the theory is wrong, and I think that the law doesn’t go far enough in domestic violence cases. I guess I could see it going either way. I happen to enjoy a bit of violence (on TV and movies and video games…) now and then. I don’t think my rages are caused by this…I could be wrong.

Here are my final favorite quotes of the series.

Buffy: My first time out, I missed the heart too.
Dawn: No way.
Buffy: Just the once.

Dawn: I know! You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away

Buffy: My sister's about to go to the same school that tried to kill me for three years. I can't change districts, I can't afford private school, and I can't begin to prepare for what may come out of there. So peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.

Principal Wood: You seem a bit young to have such a grown-up daughter.
Buffy: No! Uh, no. Sister.
Principal Wood: Oh, right. Of course.
Buffy: You didn't really think she's my… it's my hair. I have mom hair.

Principal Wood: Well, that's great! Look at that. It's not even noon and I've already bullied my first family member into helping out. I'm going to be the best principal ever

Willow: Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. Complete mystery to me.

Xander: How exactly do you make cereal?
Buffy: Ah. You put the box near the milk. I saw it on the Food Channel.

Dawn: So the principal's evil?
Buffy: Or in a boatload of danger.
Xander: Well, the last two principals were eaten. Who'd even apply for that job?

Xander: At a spanking new Hellmouth High. Please, outside of drugs, violence, and unwanted pregnancy and the unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes pouring out of its schools foundation every now and then, what trouble could these kids have?

Dawn: I'm command central so everybody check in with me. Okay, I'll be here doing my homework but the other one sounded cooler.

Dawn: Spike? You sleep, right? You, vampires… you sleep?
Spike: Yeah, what's your point, niblet?
Dawn: Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all… touch her… you're going to wake up on fire.

Xander: Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.

Xander: Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil.
Buffy: I hope you're right, because defeating Lazy Willow — probably less hard

Anya: Here's something you should know about vengeance demons. We don't groove with the sorry. We prefer, "Oh, God! Please stop hitting me with my own rib bones!"

Xander: We should've put a leash on him.
Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.

Dawn: It's smellementary. Also I'm sure there's tons like this, you know procedures we can use that don't involve magic spells, just good solid detective work. And we can develop a data base of tooth impressions and demon skin samples and I could wear high heels more often.
Buffy: Wow, that was so close to being empowered.
Dawn: Everybody loves a slender ankle.

Xander: Figuring out how to control your magic seems a lot like hammering a nail. At the end of the hammer, you have the power, but no control. It takes, like, two strokes to hit the nail in, or you could hit your thumb.
Willow: Ouch.
Xander: So you choke up. Control, but no power. It could take like ten strokes to knock the nail in. Power, control. It's a trade off.
Willow: That's actually not a bad analogy. Except, I'm less worried about hitting my thumb, and more worried about going all black-eyed baddy and bewitching that hammer into cracking my friends' skulls open like coconuts.
Xander: Right. Ouch.

Anya: Just got back, as in you're all better, or just got back to bring about a fiery apocalypse of death.

Buffy: She knows about viscera. Makes you proud.

Willow: You know Giles says everything's part of the earth. This bed. The air. Us.
Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything.
Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon.
Buffy: True.

Willow: It just takes so much strength. I don't have that much.
Buffy: I got so much strength, I'm giving it away.
Willow: Are you sure?
Buffy: Will it help?
Willow: Much.
Buffy: Good

Buffy: Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law.
Xander: There has to be another way.
Buffy: Then please find it.
Buffy: You realize that Anya's probably seducing R.J. even as we speak.
Willow: My God. You think so?
Buffy: Well, I wouldn't put it past her. She's recently evil, you know.
Willow: Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?

Holden: Oh. So, when you said not connected, that was kind of a telling statement, wasn't it—?
Buffy: Ah, Psych 101 alert.
Holden: Well, I'm just saying.
Buffy: Yeah, what I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead.
Holden: Hey, it was your phrase.

Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half way to happy land by now.
Spike: I need my pants.

Bouncer: Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wannabe?
Buffy: Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from—never mind. Has he been here?

Giles: Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse.

Buffy: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble. (looks at Giles) Think you'll ever show up for a real visit? The kind where the world isn't about to end?
Giles: If we survive this, I promise.
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I miss you.
Giles: I miss you too.

Buffy: They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?

Anya: OK, Torg, look, you open this tiny little gateway to the Beljoxa's Eye for me, and I'll— You and I will go— I'll have sex with you again.
Torg: Ugh, please, you're human. The way you look now, I wouldn't touch you for all the kittens in Korea.
Anya: You're rejecting my offer of sexual bribery? What am I, a leper in this town? I can't even give it away!
Torg: Come back when you are a leper.

Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.

Xander: You thought you were all special. Miss Sunnydale 2003. And the minute you found out you weren't, you handed the crown to Amanda without a moment's pause. You gave her your power.
Dawn: The power wasn't mine.
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing. Knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is. Maybe I should get a cape.
Dawn: Cape is good.

Buffy: No, I enjoy my responsibility as mentor, role model, life guide— oh, my God, I cannot believe I have my bathroom all to myself for two whole days.

Buffy: OK. You're right. Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.

Willow: So, he asked you out to dinner?
Buffy: Yeah. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right?
Willow: Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen.
Buffy: Or, it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: Oh, right, that—that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.

Willow: Oh, hi. Hey. Well, Buffy, I—I see that our preparation for the school-pep-dance-cheer-drill contest are coming along. Bring it on!
Buffy: It's OK, I filled him in on everything.
Willow: Oh, thank God! If I had to explain all these weapons, I had nothing.

Dawn: Do you know that ancient Sumerians do not speak English?
Buffy: They're worse than the French.

Dawn: Well, I've got a system. It's called flunking out. No, just kidding. I'm paying someone to do my work. I'm kidding. I love to see your eyeballs change color when you think I'm gonna flunk out...

Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe.
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I—I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?
Robin: Uh, that would — that would be me.

Faith: Hey, got a spare bed for a wanted fugitive?
Giles: Hello, Faith.
Faith: Well, I guess "wanted" wasn't really accurate.
Dawn: Does she have to stay here? Because there's some nice hotels that welcome tried-to-kill-your-sister types.
Faith: Check it out. Brat's all woman-sized.

Robin: I'll be OK. Unless, of course, you start beating up on me now.
Buffy: I won't. Well, I thought about it. I made some doodles.

Spike: You craving a moment alone in the dank, or can I bum one?
Faith: Well, I guess you can smoke all you want—the big C not really an issue.
Spike: Teeth get yellow after an eternity. Gotta watch that.

Kennedy: What kind of band plays during an apocalypse?
Dawn: I think this band might actually be one of the signs.

Andrew: Right. Right. Gotcha. I—I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me, too.
Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I—I don't understand how such a thing is possible.
Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.

Buffy: I don't want to be the one.
Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

Caleb: You whore.
Buffy: You know, you really should watch your language. If someone didn't know you, they might think you were a woman-hating prick.

Andrew: I liked the real bandages better. These bedsheets are awfully festive.
Anya: Yeah, they're going to look like mortally wounded Easter baskets.

Buffy: But you're right. I mean, I guess everyone's alone but being a Slayer? There's a burden we can't share.
Faith: And no one else can feel it. Thank god we're hot chicks with superpowers.
Buffy: Takes the edge off.
Faith: Comforting.
Buffy: Mm-hmm.

Andrew: Oh, this one has oxygen tanks.
Anya: They'd only be useful if something big was attacking, and then we could shove one down their throat and blow 'em up like Roy Scheider did with that shark in "Jaws."
Andrew: You are the perfect woman.
Anya: I've often thought so. Wanna rob?
Andrew: Let's rob.

Angel: We are talking about Spike here.
Buffy: It's different. He's different. He has a soul now.
Angel: That's great. Everyone's got a soul now.
Buffy: He'll make a difference.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing.
Buffy: Oh, my God. Are you 12?
Angel: I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.

Buffy: You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put you 2 in a room and let you wrestle it out.
Spike: No problem at this end.
Buffy: There could be oil of some kind involved.

Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my girlfriend has a pierced tongue kind of way

Faith: Guy looks at me, let's just say his priorities shift.
Robin: Why, because you're so hot?
Faith: It's what it is, yo.
Robin: Oh, please. I am so much prettier than you are. Oh, and, uh, for the record, our little encounter didn't exactly change my world.
Faith: You're tripping! That was rock 'em, sock 'em!
Robin: No, no, no, no. It was—it was—it was nice enough, you know, and you're—you're very, um... mm, enthused, and I think with a little more experience—
Faith: Dude, I got mad skills.
Robin: Yeah, of course. Let's finish up.
Faith: No, hell with that. We're going again, baby. You're gonna learn a little respect here, pal.
Robin: Faith— Make me a deal, all right? We live through this, you give me the chance to surprise you.
Faith: What would be the surprise?
Robin: You do know the meaning of the word, right?
Faith: No way you're prettier than me.
Robin: A little bit, yeah.

Giles: Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I just wish I could sleep.

Giles: Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow.
Dawn: We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.