AHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE HORROR. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THE HORROR!!!!!!

I am about to describe something so horrible that you may not be able read through the whole post. I don’t know if I can even write about this. So this morning I am minding my own business, asleep, dreaming my little dreams when something rouses me from my sleepy state. For some reason I scratch my ass (up high you pervs) and I feel something. Now what the hell can this be I sleepily think? A skin tag? A piece of dried on crud? Did I cut myself? Why is something on my ass? as I continue to tug at it. OUCH I think as it finally comes loose, what the frell is it, the room is dark, I don’t have my glasses on. It looks like a small scab….until it moves. WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA I SCREAM as I punch boy toy awake. I THINK I HAVE A TICK. As I try to show him. Well get rid of it, he mutters, I don’t want the friggen thing. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. It was eating away into my ASS. I had a tick on my ass. I ran to the bathroom to flush that rat fink bastard to oblivion.

Am I going to die I wonder as I walk back into the bedroom. Both Spotty and Boy Toy are now awake. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT MY ASS!!! I yell. Which, now that I think of it, may have been a dream come true for boy toy. He looks and says “yup there is a piece still in there. And the next hour was spent trying to remove it.

My ass hurts and I am FREAKED out. I need some ice cream