Found outside Wal-mart

Book Review: Poison Study

Study Book 1
Yelena is stuck in a dungeon next in line to be executed when she is given a choice. Become the food taster for the Commander of Ixia, or swing by the neck till dead. Pros: a room at the palace, clean clothes and the best foods. Cons: getting killed via poison by anyone trying to assassinate the Commander. Yelena tells Valek, the Commander’s second in command, that she is no fool.

Yelena slowly learns how to be a food taster. She is given poisons again and again for the only true way to detect poisons is to taste them first. Poisons aren’t her only problem. General Brazell’s men are in the castle and have placed a bounty on her head for murdering the General’s son. There is a spy in Commanders ranks that is leaking information that could very well get Yelena killed.

Can she find the antidote to Butterfly Dust? The drug she was poisoned with when she first accepted the position and the drug that is given to every food taster as a way of controlling them. Valek is the only one with the antidote, and without it administered every morning Yelena will die a slow horrible death. Who can or should she trust, and can anyone become friends with a food taster; never knowing which drink or meal may be her last?

Camping with a 3 year old

We had a Fan-Tab-U-Lous time camping over the long weekend.

We were back at FransTed, which was fortunate as boy toy had to work, then go help some other guys who couldn’t get there Frelling job done. Needles to say, we did not get on the road until 6pm, which means that we didn’t get up to the campground until almost 9pm.

It’s dark in the mountains, and pitching a still new tent that’s set up is just a wee bit more complicated than solving the Rubix cube, blindfolded, drunk and with your toes, in the cold, when your warm and snugglies are stuck in a bag you can’t open, and you have a 3 year old running around screaming I LOVE THIS, because he has just woken up from a 2 ½ hour nap, may be a challenge if you did not know your campground and site well.

Every morning Spotty Chop and I would walk down to the river to throw rocks. We also fished with sticks. Spotty caught “scary” fish that he made me eat. I landed a few hot dog fish that we could only look at, no eating mama.

We also played Lightning McQueen and Chick Hicks in the mini golf area. Usually I was Lightning and Chick Hicks chased me around and around. But sometimes I got to be Chick, I unfortunately never caught up with Lightning.

Every night we had sword fights. That’s right, I brought the swords that I bought at the Beach Boy concert and we had elaborate battles. He is getting pretty freaking good at it too. Spotty would even jump up onto one of the big rocks on the site and yell “HAHA” wave his sword and then jump down. Yelling “you can’t get me Darth Mall” or “save Padame”. Now this boy has never seen the movies, but he spent the first 6 months of his life sleeping under the original New Hope movie poster that hangs on my side of the bed, and he plays Star Wars Legos with his daddy…

Saturday we hung out at the campground. We played in the playground, boy toy and Spotty spent time on the swings and then moved to the see saw. I told them to get on one side and I would get on the other. So boy toy stood behind Spotty and used his massive heman strength to rocket me into the air, I would leave my seat and then come crashing back to earth sending Spotty up into the air, the two of us laughing like loons. Everyone around us was laughing like loons as well, especially when Spotty said “you look like a frog mama”. I of course needing to regain my dignity told Spotty to come around to my side and he and I would make dada look like a frog…So I try to push down with my arms, and then I lay on the see saw, I try to bounce….nothing. We cooked hot dogs over the fire and Spotty thought that was cool. But my favorite part of the night was when Spotty was sitting on my lap as we just sat by the fire and he looked up and said “oooooh mama, what are those?” and we looked up and said “those are the stars baby”. We are so accustom to seeing the beautiful NH night sky that we forgot what it was like to see it for the first time (or at least the first time he remembers). “WOW”.

Sunday we went to Santa’s Village. We went there 2 years ago for the first time and it was amazing to see how much he has changed since then. The very first thing he wanted to do was the log ride. He loved it so much that he and dada went right back on while I took pictures. What I didn’t realize until I got to the “photo shop” was that Spotty had his arms up while coming down the second time (I got a snow globe and 5x7 of that shot).

3 is a GREAT age to come here. They can ride on everything, and we did, twice. We rode on the skyway sleigh and saw other things that we had to do “they are my favorite”. He LOVED the great humbug adventure (think a low tech Buzz Lightning) We rode on that 4 or 5 times. The antique cars were a big hit as was the roller coaster. He and dada went on the bumper cars several times and apparently laughed every time they hit or were hit (I hate those frelling things). We got one of those souvenir cups, which is actually a good deal because you get free refills all day, and a souvenir, no need to buy anything else, unless you need to play the fire truck game (arcade shoot water into a hole to see who wins a prize) Spotty won a new pet toucan.

My very favorite part of the day? The reindeer carousel, why? Because the man running it was dressed in the official uniform of a red shirt, green pants. He was built…in a “jolly” manor and had a full white beard and white hair. We didn’t notice this until Spotty pulled on my pants and whispered “mama who is that?” and I looked up and laughed. The man looked at me and then saw Spotty hiding behind me and peeking out. He started to laugh. Spotty was just enthralled, couldn’t stop looking at him and turned super shy when he came over to say hi.

Perfect ending to a perfect trip. Can’t wait till July 4th!!!

Gone Camping

Memorial Beach Boys

This past weekend we had not 1 but 2 fun filled adventures.

Our town had a Memorial Day parade we attended that was just perfect for a 3 year old.

First, I brought Hot Wheels cars. To any parent that has ever gone anywhere without them. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
Second, there were people marching and people clapping. High entertainment value
Third there were motorcycles
Fourth there were bands that played music (although too loud cover my ears mama)
And finally, a guy that was selling flags and streamers.

Later that night some woman in Wellesley paid to have the Beach Boys come and play. So we took Boy Toy’s mom. She had been talking about this for weeks, the day was kind of rainy so she wasn’t sure if she would go or not. She could go by herself. But honestly why the hell should she? She has 4 sons and a husband. At least one of them could get off their ass and take her.

We picked her up around 5:30pm and drove to Wellesley, the place was like a ghost town, kind of weird. They had shuttle busses from a bunch of area’s around town to the high school that we planned on taking, but when we saw how empty the places were we decided to see if we could get closer. We got premo parking across from the field. Spotty Chop noticed a bunch of moon bounce like objects that I promised I would take him too once we found an area to take over.

Of course it started to rain when Spotty and I headed over there. I bought him 20 tickets and we prepared to have fun. He first wanted to go into the train bounce, but when I opened the cover a huge wind blew out and freaked him. I asked if I could go in with him but the attendant said bigger folks might make it roll over. Pissa I thought. Luckily that was the only one we had an issue with. One moon bounce was perfect for little ones and he had a ball on that, but he really wanted to ride on SUPERMAN, this thing was so big I would have had trouble climbing it, and did. Because, you may not have realized it but rain and rubber make a somewhat slippery surface to climb. Spotty had a blast, he loved ever second of it. We must have spent over an hour there.

The music was good, Spotty was dancing, Gramie was dancing, hell everybody was dancing. And once it got dark out I bought Spotty a glowing sword. He was watching the older kids having sword fights and wanted desperately to join in, of course no one wanted him to play so I went and bought myself a sword.

I could tell you about the overwhelming odds we faces and the foes we vanquished, but that is a story for another day.

Happy Mother's Day

The Bride sent this to me and of course I ended up crying at my desk…


Being A Mom
We are sitting at lunch one day when my friend casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family.""We're taking a survey," she says half-joking."Do you think I should have a baby?""It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral."I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a she-bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my friend to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.I want her to know that a cesarean scar or stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my friend's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Bowling without a nap

We took Spotty Chop bowling over the weekend. I can't believe they have shoes in his size. We only rented the lane for 30 minutes as I was not sure how this would go. Foolish girl that I am. It took 30 minutes for his first 3 balls to go down the lane.

Alright, maybe I exaggerated a bit. But I have honestly never seen balls move so slowly and yet be on target. He really did well. Was beating his daddy even, when he got tired of playing and wanted to play with the race car video game.

I had completely forgotten that boy toy actually likes to bowl. We haven't done it in probably, 8 years or so. So I let boy toy bowl both of their games and I chased Spotty around the alley. Trying to keep him from running down the lanes, into people, dropping the balls onto people. Then he would want to bowl some more, and I would let him bowl for me, and he would stand at the line, legs spread with the ball between and then ever so slowly give it a little nudge. We had a fan club watching, cheering the balls he nudged down the lane. Cheering louder when the ball made contact, and then when the pins fell over. Spotty's face glowed with joy. Boy toy eventually had enough and brought Spotty over the the racing car game, and they spent many quarters vrooming.

I finished bowling. I kicked both their asses. I am the MOTHER.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE HORROR. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THE HORROR!!!!!!

I am about to describe something so horrible that you may not be able read through the whole post. I don’t know if I can even write about this. So this morning I am minding my own business, asleep, dreaming my little dreams when something rouses me from my sleepy state. For some reason I scratch my ass (up high you pervs) and I feel something. Now what the hell can this be I sleepily think? A skin tag? A piece of dried on crud? Did I cut myself? Why is something on my ass? as I continue to tug at it. OUCH I think as it finally comes loose, what the frell is it, the room is dark, I don’t have my glasses on. It looks like a small scab….until it moves. WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA I SCREAM as I punch boy toy awake. I THINK I HAVE A TICK. As I try to show him. Well get rid of it, he mutters, I don’t want the friggen thing. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. It was eating away into my ASS. I had a tick on my ass. I ran to the bathroom to flush that rat fink bastard to oblivion.

Am I going to die I wonder as I walk back into the bedroom. Both Spotty and Boy Toy are now awake. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT MY ASS!!! I yell. Which, now that I think of it, may have been a dream come true for boy toy. He looks and says “yup there is a piece still in there. And the next hour was spent trying to remove it.

My ass hurts and I am FREAKED out. I need some ice cream

Dear Spotty Chop you are 38 months old today

You went to your first non family birthday party. It was held at a gymnastic academy and you really had no interest in following the herd. While most of the other 3 year olds were sitting in a circle, singing birthday songs you were running to look at everything. When they were playing follow the leader, you were at the rock climbing wall. I did try to convince you to join the group, but when I saw your smiling face as you explored, I said like “Frell it”. I let you do what you wanted. Eventually everyone was allowed to jump into the foam pits and play on the trampoline and you loved every second of it.

Daddy and you apparently have some “special treats” when he picks you up from daycare you get to walk across 2 busy streets to the 7-11 and get a red fuzzy drink and some ice cream. You are so pleased with yourself when you tell me about it.

You love to hear stories, not stories that we read to you or listen on CD (although you love those as well) but stories that we make up. Your craving for them is insatiable. I must admit that some mornings I hope you do not wake up until we are almost at school because my brain is not at its best in the am.

We have stopped watching some of your favorite movies because you are waking up every single night with nightmares, and in the morning you tell us that drones are chasing you. I hope to god we haven’t scarred you for life. You used to watch those Hot Wheel movies as often as we would let you. But when I told you we were going to stop for awhile because you were having bad dreams you said ok, and haven’t asked to watch them again. Of course last night you came into our bed and when your daddy asked you why you came into our bed you told him that “mama and me were driving our black car down the road when Iron Man and Abby-yoyo chased us down the road, Mama you tell him what happened.” I unfortunately do not recall but will try and pay more attention next time.

A week ago or so we were at Nannie and Papa’s and Favorite Brother and Froggie were there. Froggie and I went to pick up pizza and when we got back to the house you and Favorite Brother were in his Jeep. The Jeep was rocking so hard we thought it was going to tip, and there you were holding onto the oh shit bar, your feet leaving the seat as the Jeep rocked, laughing hysterically. I wish I had a video camera at the time.

Several days ago your dad and I were fighting. We were yelling a lot, really loudly and angrily. Apparently you asked your daddy why he was yelling at me, and the next day you said to me “you and dada were angry at each other”. I hope my explanation that “we were mad at each other, we were not angry at you at all and that we were no longer mad at each other” was ok. I would prefer we never fight in front of you, but with us as parents I guess that will never happen. Sorry kiddo

Book Review – Talon Silver Hawk

Conclave of Shadows: Book One
Kaeli is a boy on the brink of manhood. He has gone off alone to await his vision from the Gods that would tell him what his true name would be. Unfortunately this is not to be. While waiting for the gods to speak to him he sees buzzards circling his village, as he runs towards his village, he trips and falls, hurting his arm so badly that he passes out. When he comes to and his eyes open he realizes he is staring into the eyes of a silver Hawk. “Rise, little brother. Rise and be a talon for your people. As you feel my talon upon your arm, remember you can be bold and protect or you can rend and revenge.”

Pain forgotten Kaeli runs to his village where it is being attacked and gets shot by a crossbow for his trouble. He is left for dead, and soon would be except for two strangers that happen to come across the carnage. They rescue him and when he wakes from his delirium the strangers call him Talon, when Kaeli asks why they tell him that when they asked his name he said Talon of the Silver Hawk.

As Talon struggles with the overwhelming despair of being the only member of his tribe left alive; he also is struggling to learn how to fit into the society he is now thrust into. The folks that rescued him want something, but can Talon get what he wants too? Revenge.