What does this say about me?

Your colleagues overhear you telling a client “I’m the happiness fairy”, and after the call you find them all huddled underneath their desks hiding behind waste bins because they think you have snapped and are about to go on a killing spree…

Mothers and the women who love them

A few months ago, at some point, my car engine blew up for the second time in 2 months. I was a bit distraught and for some reason decided that working from my parent’s home would be easier than going into the office. Below is a conversation I had with a co-worker. And YES both mothers are still alive…

-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:14 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume
Then she said "you smell like pot".
Yes mom I need to toke up with Spotty Chop in the car on the ride into work.
No one has smoked pot anywhere near her in over 20 years...


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:15 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Your response should have been
"I was just about to say the same of you Mother..."


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:16 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


GOOD ONE!!!!



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:53 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Just to make sure you don't feel alone...
Shorty wanted to tell me that my father finally admitted that she was right about sunblock... no one ever argued, we all just hate
sunblock.... She also tried to tell me about all the other things that she was right about, but I ignored her. I must have been busy when the announcement came out that God has stepped down and my little ray of sunshine has taken over... God help me.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:58 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I just got the "you need to stop giving Spotty Chop mac & cheese. A study just came out. It is the worst thing you can give kids." Also "stop buying junk food. Boy Toy will just have to eat fruits and veggies."


I can't count high enough for the things that woman is right about and
the rest of us mere mortals are wrong...Maybe I can let her know that
God's spot is already taken by Shorty...after she wakes up from her nap.


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:08 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

KILLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


We just got into an argument. She went to take a nap. The phone rang. I let it ring. She comes waddling out of the bedroom. "who is it?"

How the F should I know ma?

So I say do you want me to answer the phone? She says "yes, tell them I'm napping". I'm like, I will just say you are unavailable. And I get, with tude…"This is not a business. Tell them I am napping."


Whatever byotch.


But really you want people to know you are asleep you old fart?


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:13 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


I would say "I think the pipe finally caught up w/ her... she is just chillin'. Can she call you back when the buzz wears off?"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:14 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I say let's put them in a room and let them find out who is #1 and who is #2... But I will warn mama me... Shorty's motto is "the view doesn't change unless you are the lead dog"...


-----Original Message-----From: me


Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:15 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


Mama me's motto is "bring it"



-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:16 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


We could sell tickets....


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:17 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

I will sell popcorn!


-----Original Message-----
From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:19 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume


How about Mac and Cheese instead?


-----Original Message-----
From: me
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:25 PM
To: co-worker
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

But maybe they would spend so much time assuring each other that they did not fail as mothers that we could sneak away...

 -----Original Message-----

From: co-worker
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 1:26 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: My mom just asked me if I was wearing perfume

Like they wouldn't hunt us down like dogs?

And if the phone rings again - start messing w/ her... tell her you didn't hear anything... Mom, how long have you been hearing bells?



The conversation went downhill from there…

Clark’s Trading Post 2010

Over Labor Day weekend we found ourselves at Clark’s for our annual old time family photo. This is our 5th year. We did these photos with my parents when we were growing up, Boy toy and I have done several of them over the years, pre-Spotty. This is the second year that Spotty Chop chose our costumes. This year’s theme? Cowboys! It came out really well, but Spotty Chop really no longer looks like a baby, he looks like a boy. I don’t if I like it.



We watched the bear show. Clark’s is I believe the oldest bear show in the country. We rode on the train, got chased by the Wolf Man, rode water bumper cars and visited Merlin’s mansion. I think Spotty Chop had an ok time…

Spotty also decided he too wanted to take a picture. I LOVE it!

George Takei is my Hero: or what to say to an Anti-Gay douchebag!

Peeps, it's the 21st century.

Intolerance can not be allowed to fester and grow.



You go George! Live long and prosper!!!

Apple Picking

I feel bad that I have neglected the blog for so long. Especially since i have photo evidence that we have been social.


We went apple picking with Moo, Freak Show,Hippy Chick, Cheese Please, CR and  a friend of Hippy Chick's, Amazing.


The sun was bright, and it wasn't ten thousand degrees which it usually is because Moo came up with the idea of going early in the season as opposed to late. We picked apples, sat in the sun and went through mazes. Spotty Chop has a freakish sense of direction. The boy ran through the hedge maze making only 2 or 3 wrong turns. He then ran back out, I was hard pressed to follow. Spotty wanted to go again, so Boy Toy gave him a walkie talkie and sent him on his way. He called when he first entered the maze, when he got to the center and then when he came back out. THANK GOD he doesn't have my sense of direction. I would still be wandering around if left on my own.

 Yes it's a photo of Hippy Chicks butt...it made me giggle

I wasn't very happy with the quality of photos i took, but as luck would have it, quality people made it ok

Dear Spotty Chop you are 67months old today

Once again I have missed a month of letters. It all started with the Jeep’s engine blowing up for the SECOND time in less than 2 months, and culminated with my diagnosis of Migraines. Not earth shattering, but I have had a headache for over a month and that tends to make me cranky.



What’s been going on with you? Well, I took away your video game privileges for a week. When you get angry you intentionally hurt me, and mama don’t like. I told you if you tried to hurt me again that you would not be able to play video games for a week. And then you…well I am hoping that this trend is more because you don’t know how to react when you are angry as opposed to a personality trait. If it is a trait my son, you and I are going to have problems.


Papa had Columbus Day off and called to see if you did too. He and Nannie miss seeing you every week. You guys had a blast. Went to Edaville railroad where they spent a fortune on you. You also had a bonus movie night with them when your dad and I went to a Halloween party. I know the YMCA has a good program that I am paying for, but if my parents want you they will get you it’s a win win situation. They will have you for Veteran’s Day…Papa hasn’t told me what he has planned for you…


I don’t think I am going to be able to describe this well, and I don’t think you will truly “get it” until you have kids of your own. Looking over the papers you bring home from school, seeing how your mind is making connections that even a few months ago didn’t make is so FREAKING UNBELIEVABLE! I have always loved how your mind works, but now you are getting the skills to write this stuff down! It is mind blowing. I get so overwhelmed with love for you that at times I am speechless. This is not the same as the times you are so like your father that it too leaves me speechless…


You are “STAR” of the week this week in school. We made a poster with pictures of your friends, and the things you have done this year. We added lists of “likes and dislikes”. Your teacher laughed when she read “dislikes – mornings”. She was happy to see she wasn’t the only one. When we entered the room it was to a chorus of “TIMMY! TIMMY! IT’S TIMMY”. I am sure a greeting that you all bestow on each other, but it got me to thinking of how much better most of our lives would be if we too were so excited to be with the folks we work /spends enormous amounts of time with. You are bringing in your “favorite” book to read to the class. I can’t wait to see what you pick, and if it is something you will actually read to the class.


You were Jango Fett for Halloween. You wanted your daddy to take you. Since I have taken you for the past 3 years I let him. I did not like it. I want to be with you, watch your face and hell even listen to you complain that you are tired and can’t I just go up to the houses while you wait at home.


So once again I want to thank you for being my kid. You make life worth living.


LIKES:


Camping
Drive-ins
Bakugan

Beyblades

Baloney

Grapes
Videogames
BOOKS



DISLIKES:


mornings
hamburgers

beef baloney

going to bed

brushing my teeth

doing chores





Kisses


mama