Books, Coolness and John Waters

Thanks Pajiba!

Book Review: Urban Shaman by C.E. Murphy

Book One: The Walker Papers

So we have the Wild Hunt, Coyote, a cabbie who used to be linebacker…40 years ago and a Shaman who’s day job is a cop, because that’s the only way she could find a job as a mechanic. Believe it or not, this actually works.

Joanne Walker was flying home from England after burying her mom when she looked out the window and “saw” a young woman being chased by a pack of dogs and a man with a knife. She meets up with Gary her cab driver. Gary thinks Joanne is crazy, but as the meter is running is happy to drive her around as she tries to “rescue” the woman from the plane. When they finally catch up with Marie who happens to be a banshee, she tells Joanne that she is running away from a God and that Joanne is going to die soon.

Joanne meets up with the Horned God and manages to get his sword stuck in her lungs. It is here where we meet up Coyote. I have to say I like the mixing of the Celtic and North American beliefs. I find I like all the old tales…well with the exception of the Norse Gods, I tried to like them, but there was too much baby killing and incest.

Coyote is Joanne’s spirit guide. He helps her heal herself; it almost doesn’t happen as Joanne doesn’t believe in this crap. Once you start believing in the unbelievable it’s all downhill from there. Marie gets murdered, the fifth similar murder in a matter of weeks. Is it the work of a serial killer or something more? While pondering the police files of the recent murders Joanne falls asleep and has an out of body experience. Joanne says it best. “Yesterday the world made sense and today I’m standing in a star pit talking to ghosts.”

Between trying to juggle her boss, who wants to fire her ass…a God’s crazy son who wants to kill her ass and new shamanic powers she needs to learn to control and do all this within 23 hours or the world as we know it will cease to exist. It’s no wonder she needs a hamburger.

I am interested in seeing where this series goes. I really like Gary, and while it may seem farfetched that a cab driver would stick around after his fare, I don’t know. If my dad were 70, with a wife dead and no kids, I can totally see him sticking around someone that needs help. Everyone needs to feel needed. Even a God.

Book Review: Small Favors by Jim Butcher

Book Ten of the Dresden Files

Oh Harry how I have missed you! I don’t think there is anything that makes me happier (Spotty Chop excluded) than reading the Dresden Files…

Bob: As in The Three Billy Goats Gruff? You just got your ass handed to you by a nursery tale?

Harry: Think of every fairy-tale villainess you’ve ever heard of. Think of the wicked witches, the evil queens, the mad enchantresses. Think of the alluring sirens, the hungry ogresses, the savage she-beasts. Think of them and remember that somewhere, sometime, they’ve all been real…Mab gave them lessons.

Thomas: How do you want to play it if the music starts?
Harry: I’ve got nothing to prove…I say we run like little girls

Harry: I bet you say that to all the guys who glue your stomach back together.

Harry: The shelves were covered with an enormous variety of containers, from a lead-lined box to burlap bags, from Tupperware to a leather pouch made from the genital sac of, I kid you not, an actual African lion. It was a gift, don’t ask

Harry: At one time in my life, a shapeshifted, demonically possessed maniac crashing through a window and trying to rip my face off would have come as an enormous and nasty surprise…But that time was pretty much in the past.

Harry: I figured odds were fantastic that one of them would just hop over me like a Kung Fu Theater extra.

Harry: I followed the trail of smitten fiends. Smiten fiends? Smited fiends? Smoted fiends? Don’t look at me, I never finished high school.

Ms. Demeter: What can I do for you?...Wait. Allow me to rephrase. What can I do to most quickly get rid of you?

Thomas: What does a woman need to do, Harry? Rip her clothes off, throw herself on top of you, and shimmy while screaming ‘Do me, Baby!?’Sometimes you’re a friggen idiot.

Harry: Anybody with an once of sense knows that fighting someone with a significant advantage in size, weight, and reach is difficult…If you opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Roadkill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Karrin: Trying to guilt me into playing worried girlfriend, domestic defender, and surrogate mother figure, eh?
Harry: I figured it would work better than telling you to shut up and get into the kitchen.

Book Review - Ill Wind by Rachel Caine

Book 1

A girl and her car. When I turned 16 my dad bought a ‘69 Camaro…Convertible…Stock…prettiest shade of blue (Bright Blue Met. 71 for those in the know) you have ever seen. He bought it so his baby didn’t drive a shit-box. I love my dad!

I mention this because Joanne has a ‘71 midnight blue Mustang that she loves like a baby. If you have never driven a Muscle car I pity you. There is NOTHING like it. Cars today just don’t have the personality or raw power that they did then. And Joanne needs power. She is a Weather Warden, part of the Warden Association, a group of individuals who specialize in some of the Earth’s greatest elements. These Wardens have been around since forever, trying to keep Mother Earth from killing her unknowing passengers. There are three types Fire, Earth and Weather. Weather Wardens manipulate the weather to the benefit of mankind. Hurricane Andrew? Killed 20 Wardens and stripped the powers of at least 10 more. There were hundreds of Wardens working to control the storm, a storm that seemed to have a hunger, or a purpose. Imagine how bad it could have been without the Wardens.

But the Wardens don’t work alone. They have Djinns at their sides to be used as a source of power, kind of like a superconductor. They must obey their masters. But the Djinn are not slaves, and as it is said “the Djinn are children of fire…Fire serves no one forever. It is always ready to burn the hand that it warms.” So to explain in a nutshell, really powerful folks use demented almost all powerful beings to try to save the human race. But that isn’t the only faction. There are demons.

Aren’t there always? Demons are actually more powerful than Djinns, and they want access to our world in the worst way. Luckily for us they leave a mark on anyone they touch. Unluckily Joanne has the mark, through no fault of her own. All the girl wanted was the perfect bathing suit and a killer tan, is that too much to ask? Did I mention the dead body? Or the fact that Joanne killed her boss?

So we have one girl on the run; Wardens and Djinn acting as bounty hunters; lightning acting like Precision Attack Air-to-Surface Missiles every time she tries to leave her car. Friends who treat her like enemies, Enemy’s that may or may not be on her side, Delilah (her Stang…) isn’t feeling so very good. She has no clothes, no tampons and is wearing heals. What is a poor girl to do? Stop for a hitch hiker of course, but such a pretty hitchhiker…a girl has needs you know. And then things get interesting.

Perhaps not as interesting as drag racing down 128 at midnight in a 69 Camaro Convertible…stock, vs. a 1973 GTO, 1980 Corvette and a 1970 Chevelle…but that my friends is a story for another day.

Where the $%&C(NG HELL IS MY MUTHER $%&C(NG BOOKS!!!

So, haven’t posted any book related posts lately huh? There is a reason for this. I keep losing the FRELLING books I am reading. I am not the type of person who reads more than one book at a time. It just doesn’t work for me. I like starting a book, reading it all the way through, and then starting another one.

Since before Christmas (CHRISTmas folks!) I have misplaced the book “Lost” (HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA kill me). I finally broke down and read another book, finished it, started another book…and lost that FRELLING piece of shit too! A diskworld novel…So now I have 2 books MIA! I keep trying to pick up another book, but I have a deep fear that I will now lose EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!!!

I did just cash in a gift certificate to Amazon, so hopefully the lure of the new book will call me back…

Book Review: The Crown by Deborah Chester

Book Two of the Pearls and the Crown

Well Shandrael did it, sold Lea to the Vindicants, then got drunk to try and forget. Frelling pussy! Seriously if you are going to be evil, BE EVIL. None of this mamby pamby bullshit. Whaaa I’ve got no soul, oooh she tugs at my heart. He needs to be kicked in the nads.

Caelan is paranoid, but can you blame him? Of course we can. We get she is your sister, but you are running the frelling show. Christ on a cracker, I am beginning to wonder if he is actually sleeping with his sister. He has an army to go find her, why the hell is he leaving his wife and child? He too deserves his jewels to be twisted.

Thirbe found Shandrael, but didn’t kick his ass…not sure what the hell that is all about, fairly disappointed as a matter of fact. Thirbe apparently has no nuts. WTF

Vordachai may not be the douchebag that I first thought…that would be surprising…and figures! The character I dislike the most turns out to be the one I like???? Kill me if this is true.

There is a healer, I wonder if we ever get to know his name? I kind of like him.

And then there is this…

“May you end up chained to a rock with ten thousand vultures stripping the flesh from your bones while worms swim in your diseased bowels and four virgins whom you will never bed cry out their joy at your demise."

I have to say I wasn’t really overly impressed. This had potential to be great. The characters were interesting and the plots were good. It just never really took off. I don’t think I would ever re-read this, which means I wish I had not bought it. It would make a great library read though.

Book Review: The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury

This was a perfect airport read. In fact I got this book from my dad, who got it in an airport on his last vacation. It is a Divinci Codeish type book, which may not be a real term, but should be. Lord knows the market was flooded with “Jesus had sex with Mary M” type stories. What I liked about this one is that you don’t actually know what the hell secret they are looking for until close to the end.

The story switches back and forth between modern day and the 13th century (I think it’s the 13th century, it’s the 1200’s I can never remember if that’s the 12th or 13th century, so it actually must be the 13th because if it was the 12th it would make sense and I could remember that…) We meet a young Templar knight in the past. We learn that the Templar’s are facing their largest defeat and we get our first glimpse of “the secret”. We are then plopped into modern day NYC and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We meet up with Tess. A former archeologist now turned desk jockey at the prestigious Manoukian Institute.

“People just noticed her, period. They always had. And who could blame them. The seductive mass of curls framing the warm green eyes that radiated intelligence usually triggered it. The healthy, thirty-six year old frame that moved in relaxed, fluid strides confirmed it, and the fact that she was totally oblivious to her charms sealed it. “

Airport writing at its finest!

There is a heist at the museum where Tess and her family were attending the opening of “Treasures of the Vatican”. 4 horsemen dressed in full Templar gear trotted up the Museum’s stairs into the museum and stole what looked like a strange box, after decapitating a museum guard of course.

Soon enough we meet Sean Reilly the FBI agent in charge and Tess’s love interest. This is not giving anything away as you have to have a love interest in a story like this. How can a man and a woman be together and not fall into bed together? It would be unnatural.

The story goes back and forth between the present and the past, each time giving a bit more information. The Vatican is involved (but of course). The secret could topple nations. Tess and Sean just want the truth, but the truth can be slippery.

It’s an ok story. I did really like the secret. I don’t know if it has been explored before, but I found it believable, or at least not completely unbelievable. I am a bit surprised at Tess’s asshattery. But then again, why should the guy always wear the asshat?

Book Review: Dragon Bones by Patricia Briggs

The Hurog Duology, Book 1

Don’t you love reading about families that are more frelled up than yours?
Let’s introduce the HUROG family. There’s Dad – the raging lunatic that almost beat his eldest son Ward to death leaving him mentally challenged. Next is the sister Ciarra who doesn’t speak. And finally? The youngest son Tosten. He left home after Ward walked in on him attempting suicide. We could talk about mom, but she has been beaten down so long she only sees and hears what she wants to.

Did I mention that Hurog means Dragon in the old tongue? Dragons filled their skies. Hurog used to be a grand keep with bold vision and luck to spare. Something happened to change all that. Not only are the dragons all gone, but with them the dwarfs. Now Hurog barely manages to hold onto what’s theirs.

As luck would have it Ward’s dad is thrown by his horse and dies. Ward was trying to figure out how to explain to everyone that he really wasn’t stupid; he just pretended to be so that his father wouldn’t kill him. Unfortunately there are uncles and cousins with their own problems who actually want to do what’s right for Hurog. So they overthrow Ward.

Throw in a ghost, a goddess, a dwarf and more killing and you’ve got yourself a party!

Book Review: The Pearls by Deborah Chester

Book One of the Pearls and the Crown

Shandrael is a man without a soul. His Emperor has betrayed him, his gods have left him and he is not a happy camper. Then his brother comes up with a plot to save their homeland. A land Shandrael has foresworn as there is no loyalty but to the army; an army that dishonorably discharged he and his men. Brooding fuck.

Lea is beauty, light and joy. She is on a mission to her homeland to oversee the Holdenthal festival. And no one seems to be listening to her, even though she is the sister of the Emperor and has powers of her own. Sounds like she is whiney, but she isn’t. I think I like her.

It looks like we have a typical story of redemption here. Good girl tries to save the bad boy. But is it really that simple? The Emperor has been betrayed, but is it his sister that has betrayed him? Shandrael and Lea aren’t the only folks in this tale and it seems there may be a deeper game being played out.

Tune in sometime in the future where I will answer the questions of…

• Why do strong women do stupid things even when they know better?

• Will a gladiator slave turned King always be looked down upon?

• When will “the government” realize that trying to suppress old religions just never works?

• Why must brooding men be pretty?

Book Review: This Septer’d Isle by Mercedes Lackey & Roberta Gellis

The Doubled Edge, Book 1

How to begin describing a tale in which one of the most fearsome riders in the Wild Hunt turns into…a baby sitter? I should first warn you that this is a collaboration between Mercedes Lackey and Roberta Gellis. I don’t really know anything about Gellis, I am sure I could look her up, but so can you. The reason I warn is that Lackey seems to have the same affect on readers as George W. has on voters. You either love or you hate. There really isn’t any middle ground.

This is a story of King Henry the VIII’s bastard son FitzRoy, the Seleighe court elves that try to protect him and the Unseleigh court that wants him dead. All in all it’s a nice fantasy read with enough historical fact to keep the mind entertained. PLEASE do not read this if you are expecting historical accuracy. Read a text book. This is a fantasy read. The fact that they get castle names right is good enough for me.

The premise of the story is that the Seleighe court gets a vision of a fork in the future. There is death and pain for the mortals on one side (Inquisition) and on the other the future looks very bright. The only way to keep it that way is to protect one small redheaded child. Denoriel is just the fae for the job. Even if he doesn’t want it.

I really enjoyed reading about the lengths Denoriel had to go through to get close and stay close to FitzRoy. A lot of times authors just throw magic around to solve everything. Don’t get me wrong, magic is tossed, but they at least acknowledge that sometimes you need to have a legit reason to be where you are.

There are a huge slew of characters you should have heard about before: Queen Catherine, Princess Mary, the Boelyn’s, His Grace Norfolk, to name just a few. They come and go as they should. You gleam insight into how the world was back then, and who’s to say that in jolly ole England there weren’t evil fae causing mischief and mayhem?

MY FAVORITE BOOK HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A VIDEO GAME!!!!

Oh my god. I dorked out yesterday in the biggest way.

Dante's Inferno. Ever heard of it?

Dante Alighieri, Italian poet, wrote the one book if I was stuck on a deserted island I couldn't live without.

I have my dad's copy that he read in college.

9 circles of hell?

Here is a preview of the game. It looks AMAZING!!!!


Here is the offical website. Has a ton of dork filled info about Dante, the poem, the game, the levels of HELLLLLLLLlllll.

2-9-10

WOOOO WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Book Review: Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

What do you do when you are 20,000 feet in the air (or however high up you are from LaGuardia to Logan) and you realize that you HATE the book you are reading? I should not have picked up this book in the first place. I hate boxing, MMA etc. I think it’s stupid. Don’t get me wrong I am not trying to say it’s not a sport or that the people that do it or like it are stupid. I just can’t wrap my head around people punching each other in the face for fun. I know it might sound like I am a hypocrite as I am a HUGE fan of folks getting their asses kicked if they need kicking. But that’s rage. When I see folks in a ring, it’s not to uphold justice or because they have PMS it’s for FUN? WTF?

So I am stuck on a plane with nothing to read but the book a former boss interoffice mailed me. I hate the characters. What the hell is wrong with these people? I am so sick and tired of the whole “dare to be different, embrace anarchy” bullshit that these young whipper snappers are into. You are not different or unique. YOU ARE AN ASSHAT. You want to be different? Rake your elderly neighbor’s yard at night without anyone knowing you did it. “OOOOH I wanna cause a revolution. Let’s pee in the soup.” Frell you! You know what? I did that shit in High School; when I was drunk. And if I could go back in time I would cut a byotch. I would head-butt myself, kick me in the crotch and tell me to go the Frell home. Fing pussy.

As I sit drinking a small cup of water because gods forbid they still give you the craptastic bag of 3 peanuts, I am overcome with dread. I signed up for the Cannonball Read. I have read some of the reviews folks have written. They are insightful, they are long and they make you want to read the book. Here I am contemplating leaving the book next to the airsick bags. I don’t want to finish it. Would it really be cheating if I don’t finish the book? I mean I can still review it. BUT I DON”T HAVE ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY TO READ ANOTHER BOOK THIS WEEK(…unless it’s the new Wheel of Time book..What has happened to Perrin, will this new guy butcher the story????) I force myself to continue reading.

Something happens; in the story. I sit up. I read some more. I must now finish the book. I need to know about this something. What is going on?

Was it worth finishing?

Guess you will have to read it yourself to find out

Teaser Tuesday

I am joining the fun over at . Reading Adventure (who is joining the fun over at Should be Reading )

• Teaser Tuesday is hosted by : Should be Reading
• Grab your current read.
• Let the book fall open to a random page.
• Share with us two (2) “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.
• You also need to share the title of the book that you’re getting your “teaser” from … that way people can have some great book recommendations if they like the teaser you’ve given!
• Please avoid spoilers!

P207 –This Scepter’d Isle – Mercedes Lackey/Roberta Gellis

“Denoriel could not imagine Rhoslyn weeping over anything at all. Death and pain fed her power.”

Cannonball Read

On November 1st I am joining the folks over at PIJABA and chiming in on the 2nd running of the Cannonball Read.

Gather round, boys and girls. Gather round. As the leaves change colors, the temperature drifts lower, and the curses of football fans fill the air, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new chapter in Pajiba history. Many of you know the legend of the original Cannonball Read, wherein Sir Prisco the Ragey challenged himself to read one hundred books in the span of one year and enlighten us with his reviews on said tomes. Valiant Alabamapink looked at him and said, essentially, “I can kick your ass, so bring it, fool.” Thus was the Cannonball Read born

Click here to read the full story.

I never joined in on the original run. These folks are hard core reviewers and funny as shit. I on the other hand can’t form sentences or reviews longer than 2 paragraphs. I then saw that they cut the book reading down to 52. Could I read 52 books in 1 year. HELL YA! Could I review 52 books in a longer and more coherent format? Who Frelling knows?

I beseeched the cruel mistress of the read who said…I’ve read worse.

And with that blazing endorsement I write!!!

Teaser Tuesday

I am joining the fun over at . Reading Adventure (who is joining the fun over at Should be Reading )

• Teaser Tuesday is hosted by : Should be Reading
• Grab your current read.
• Let the book fall open to a random page.
• Share with us two (2) “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.
• You also need to share the title of the book that you’re getting your “teaser” from … that way people can have some great book recommendations if they like the teaser you’ve given!
• Please avoid spoilers!

P240 –Dragon Bones – Patricia Briggs
“Haverness, I need to ride with you,” said Garranon hoarsely. “If I stay here longer, I’ll slit Jakoven’s throat myself – which fool act would do Oranstone no good at all.”

Book Review: Orcs

I got this book solely for the cover. I’m a dork like that.

I could tell you what the book is about, but really – if you see the cover and you want to read it? You are the right audience.

Book Review: Idlewild

Ahhh Sci fi!

Screw you magic! Werewolves, vampires, wizards etc!!!! Let’s Geek Out.

There is a virtual world…or is there?

Halloween is dissatisfied with school and life in general.

There are rules, unless they can find their way around them.

There is studying and school, but they are the elite, so maybe not.

Halloween and his friends spend their time trying to kill each other, but not really, but really.

And someone tried to kill him…why won’t anyone believe?

Book Review: Amazon Ink

What do you do when you find a dead body on your porch?

If you are an x-Amazon, trying to live a normal life as a tattoo artist, in Wisconsin, (yes, I really did just type that) you use magic to let the tribe know they have trouble coming. Especially if this is the 2nd body left on your porch.

Melanippe is trying hard to bring up her daughter outside of the tribe as a normal teenage girl.

Well, as normal as a teenage gets especially when they live with Melanippe’s mom (an Amazon warrior) and grandmom( a high priestess).

When the tribe finds out that someone is targeting young Amazons they go looking for a suspect…guess who they find?

Melanippe.

Teaser Tuesday

I am joining the fun over at . Reading Adventure (who is joining the fun over at Should be Reading )

• Teaser Tuesday is hosted by : Should be Reading
• Grab your current read.
• Let the book fall open to a random page.
• Share with us two (2) “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.
• You also need to share the title of the book that you’re getting your “teaser” from … that way people can have some great book recommendations if they like the teaser you’ve given!
• Please avoid spoilers!

P240 –Moving Pictures – Terry Pratchett

Because Holy Wood’s disturbances in reality were extending weak but opportunist tendrils even as far as Ankh-Morpork, a couple of little bluebirds flew around his head for a moment and went “tweet-tweet-tweet” before vanishing.

Book Review: Tic Tock --- OR MY FAVORITE Dean Kootz book of all time!!!!!

Tommy Phan is an American.

Ok Vietnamese-American, but he doesn’t like the distinction. His family escaped to America when he was a young boy and he has embraced everything that is American. Unfortunately he thinks that to embrace America he must turn his back on everything Vietnamese, including his family.

Things take a turn for the worse when Tuong (the name is Tommy mom) decides to eat cheeseburgers in a restaurant instead of going home to his mother’s com tay cam.

When he gets home a small white cloth doll is sitting on his door stoop. He brings it into the house…and that’s when things get really interesting.

Cars, boats and vans crash. Guns are fired. Detectives are sought, waitress’s are found. And a good time is had by all….except for the dead.

PS -- HATE the new cover, if you can find the original black you will be happy