Stargate SG1 Season 9

*I still love this series as much as ever, they make me laugh...and cry


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [to Vala] Ladies first.
Vala: [to Daniel] Well then, after you.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Wicked!...and empty.
Vala: I haven't been this disappointed since Daniel and I had sex.


Vala: Well. Don't you all have me surrounded.
General Landry: Welcome to the SGC. I'm General Landry.
Vala: Vala. Vala Mal Doran. Thank you so much for the lovely greeting party. We all had a wonderful time searching each other, didn't we, boys?


Vala: These were her ceremonial marriage bracelets. She would affix them to herself and her husband of the moment.
Dr. Jackson: "Of the moment".
Vala: Yes, she had many. One of the few admirable traits about her


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book



Vala: I've got tingles all over. And don't flatter yourself, I'm pretty sure it's not you.


Dr. Jackson: I'm sorry to interrupt, but um…if you brought us here to try and convert us, it is fair to tell you that we are really not in the market for new gods.


Prior: Origin will guide you on this path, and those who revere its wisdom shall be uplifted. I have come to spread the word to the unbelievers who have been... sheltered, and raised by evil.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You have no idea how much he sounds like my grandma.


General O'Neill: Now, see, that's one of the great things about being a general. You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: I suppose after you've saved the world seven or eight times…
General O'Neill: Who's counting, huh?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Teal'c.


General Landry: Don't make me promote you


Inago: Vala! You cowardly, backstabbing sorry excuse for a woman. How've you been?
Vala: Inago. You filthy, double talking slug. Nice to see you too.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Obviously they used to date.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: How good is this? Got the band back together!
Lt. Colonel Carter: Yeah, so what's with the extra back-up singer?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Oh, she's good fun.


Dr. Jackson: Vala, this is a military vessel.
Vala: I know, darling. I've stolen it before.
Dr. Jackson: Well, just try to be, uh…
Vala: My charming self?
Dr. Jackson: Just a little less talk; a little more shut the hell up.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Witnesses?
Dr. Jackson: One. Some guy who was working overtime, spent most of the firefight under his desk, but was able to provide the descriptions of three individuals: big, tattooed, chain mail pants.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: So it's either our Jaffa, or KISS is back on tour.


Volnek: Oh, we have unfinished business.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Hey, take it easy.
Volnek: You shot me!
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You shot me first!


Lt. Colonel Carter: Huh. Maybe it wasn't our fault.
Dr. Jackson: I thought it was always our fault.


General Landry: Colonel Carter, I've read your proposal.
Lt. Colonel Carter: And?
General Landry: And I'm not exactly sure what an aneurysm feels like, but I suspect I'm pretty close.


Dr. Lee: Well, trying to achieve something as specific as isolating one small part of the brain is like...it's like... trying to...do something...that's impossible.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Good analogy.


Prior: We are beacons on the road to enlightenment.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: No, you are dark-side intergalactic encyclopedia salesmen, but unfortunately, the home office hasn't been quite upfront with you.
Dr. Jackson: Nice work on the metaphor.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Thank You.


Vala: Came to see me off? That's sweet.
Dr. Jackson: Well, we've been through a lot together. I just wanted to come here myself and make sure you were… thoroughly searched


Vala: Thank you! I apologize for ever questioning your masterful skills at negotiation!
Dr. Jackson: He's doing the best he can.
Vala: That's what terrifies me!


Jared Kane: Do you ever give up?
Dr. Jackson: Not till I'm dead. And sometimes not even then


Worrel: So, you were done slaying system lords and decided to move on to more pressing agricultural concerns?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That's exactly it. Corn patrol.


Lt. Col Mitchell: Sir, I don't mean to gripe.
General Landry: Permission to gripe granted.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: We're being put on babysitting duty?


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That was alternate reality. This is alternate dimension. Hell, all I need is a good time-travel adventure, and I've scored the SG-1 trifecta.


Vala: I did my best to blend in. At first according to Tomin and therefore as far as the villagers were concerned I was the woman who fell from the sky which made me feel kind of special. I later learned that they always suspected I’d escaped from another village as a result of some scandal and then I started to feel much more like I’m used to.


Teal'c: You have been impregnated, without copulation.
Vala: Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: W-Well.. there is one.
Teal'c: Darth Vader.
Vala: Really? How did that turn out?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.

SG1 Season 8

Dr. Jackson: I was just going over some research material on the delegates they're sending. Camulus was the one who sent the original message. Then there's Amaterasu, Japanese Sun Goddess, and the last one is Lord Yu.
Dr. Weir: Yu?
Dr. Jackson: Don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.

Dr. Weir: Oh, I'm not sure anything can surprise me at this point.
Camulus: I wish to request asylum.
Dr. Weir: Well, it seems I was wrong again.


Col. O'Neill: Sweet. What is it?
Dr. Jackson: We don't know, you made it.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.

Col. O'Neill: I've spent my whole life stickin' it to the Man. If I do this, I'll be the Man. I don't think I can be the Man.


Dr. Jackson: Yeah, don't take General O'Neill's decision personally.
Col. Vaselov: Frankly, his attitude is offensive. It leads me to wonder if he knows the cold war is over.
Dr. Jackson: His attitude has nothing to do with you being Russian. He's an equal opportunity offender.

Lt. Col. Carter: Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?
Gen. O'Neill: I thought it odd he was shooting up the Gate room.


Ba'al: You dare mock me?
Gen. O'Neill: Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.
Ba'al: You have one more day.
Gilmore: Is it really wise to provoke him?
Gen. O'Neill: It's what I do


Dr. Lee: Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.
Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.
Gen. O'Neill: I thought a failsafe was meant to be somewhat safe from failure


Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.


Gen. O'Neill: I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.


Jack O'Neill: They want a what?
Sam Carter: A goat, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
Sam Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
Sam Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
Jack O'Neill: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.


Gen. O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

Bra'tac: May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.

Dr. Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, where'd I learn that from?


Gen. O'Neill: General!
Gen. Hammond: Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
Gen. O'Neill: Absolutely not! Welcome.
Gen. Hammond: Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Miss the chair?
Gen. Hammond: Actually I do.
Gen. O'Neill: Want it back?
Gen. Hammond: As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
Gen. O'Neill: That's not exactly what I meant...


Dr. Jackson: Uh, the name's Olo. Hans Olo.


Garan: Surrender your weapons, or die where you stand!
Gen. O'Neill: Oh, if I had a nickel...

Gen. O'Neill: Five bucks says Carter has a theory.

Gen. O'Neill: Jacob!
Jacob: Jack, we've got a problem. We need to talk.
Gen. O'Neill: Hi! Hello. How are ya? Long time, no see. What's doing? What's up? Hey, buddy!
Jacob: I'm sorry, Jack. It's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion.
Gen. O'Neill: Thanks.
Jacob: You deserve it.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes. Well... What's up?
Jacob: The Replicators. They've launched an all out attack on the Goa'uld. If the Goa'uld can't find a way to stop them, the Replicators will easily overrun our galaxy, in a matter of weeks.
Gen. O'Neill: Why didn't you say so?


Gen. O'Neill: Don't be afraid to remind him that we've saved his cute little grey bum several times.


Gen. O'Neill: I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.


Ba'al: You cannot be serious.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.
Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.
Gen. O'Neill: I think big.


Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.


Dr. Jackson: You mean, they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
Oma Desala: Okay. Maybe not the naked part.


Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
Lt. Col. Carter::...There are no fish in this pond, are there?
Gen. O'Neill: Nope.


Dr. Jackson: I can't believe I'm finally gonna prove that the Great Pyramids predate the 4th dynasty.
Lt. Col. Carter: So, what are you gonna do? Stand in the picture holding a newspaper with today's date?


Dr. Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Why's that?
Dr. Jackson: Where am I?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?
Dr. Jackson: No, I mean the me from your time line.
Alt. Teal'c: I killed you.
Dr. Jackson: Why?
Alt. Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.
Dr. Jackson: A good reason.
Alt. Dr. Carter: It was horrible!
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.
Dr. Jackson: You don't know?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Well, I know why I'm here.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Good. Let's start there.

SG1 Season 7

Native: [pointing to Teal'c] He is Jaffa.
Col. O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.


Col. O'Neill: All I'm saying... just for the record... this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302?
Col. O'Neill:Oh, yeah.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than—than blowing up a sun?
Col. O'Neill: Yep!
Maj. Carter: [to Jonas and Daniel] ...He's probably right.


Col. O'Neill: I thought we were going with Red Leader on this one.


Col. O'Neill: Haven't you guys heard the story about the dog and the dancing monkeys? It's about getting along and... dancing.


Gen. Hammond: Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?
Dr. Jackson: Stranger things have happened.
Teal'c: Name but one.
Dr. Jackson: Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies...


Dr. Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.


Col. O'Neill: It's time for Plan B.
Maj. Carter: We have a Plan B?
Col. O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.


Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that I have my mojo back.


Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.
Col. O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.


Col. O'Neill: How many times have I told you? Don't get caught by the bad guys!


Warrick: Major Carter, if you are to be my co-pilot, you will need to know how the ship works.
Maj. Carter: What is this?
Warrick: A complete operations manual for the Seberus, I had it translated for you.
Maj. Carter: Thank you!
Col. O'Neill: That's not our language!
Maj. Carter: It's mine, Sir.


Maj. Carter: It's an energy-based weapon, sir. It could, potentially, replace the missiles on the X-303.
Col. O'Neill: Phaser?
Chloe: More like a photon torpedo.


Col. Reynolds: Not much faith in Plan A?
Col. O'Neill: Since when has Plan A ever worked?


Sgt. Siler: [adjusting Jacob's armor] How's that, sir?
Jacob: Pretty good. Reminds me of my old football days.
Sgt. Siler: They had helmets back in those days, sir?
Jacob: Funny.


Teal'c: You are like a brother to me, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: You're like, what, 140?
Teal'c: A younger brother, perhaps. But that is not my point.


Daniel Jackson: Hey! Have I told you my latest theory yet? It's really cool. Lose something?
Maj. Carter: Did you see a…
Daniel Jackson: Little girl?
Maj. Carter: Yeah.
Daniel Jackson: No.


Col. O'Neill: That's what you get for dickin' around.


Maj. Carter: I feel compelled to warn you, most of the guys I've dated recently have died.


Bregman: …could we get a shot of the Gate spinning?
Maj. Carter: Sure. It's really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything.


Col. Dixon: I don't see any indication of anything here.
Dr. Balinsky: Take the usual bet on that, sir?
Col. Dixon: Sure. Wells?
Airman Wells: Abandoned naquadah mine.
Col. Dixon: Boring. But good odds. Bosworth?
Bosworth: I'm going to put my money on trees, sir.
Col. Dixon: Bosworth's disqualified for being a smart ass. I'll go with two-headed aliens.
Airman Wells: Hostile or friendly, sir?
Col. Dixon: One head good, one head bad. Balinsky?
Dr. Balinsky: Oh, the ruins of an ancient city.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, you wish.


Col. Dixon: Yeah, all-night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate them in their sleep.
Airman Wells: Sir, you have four kids.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my work so much? Don't get me wrong, I love those little buggers to death, but trust me, having four kids makes going through a Stargate facing off against alien bad guys look like nothing. This is relaxing.
Airman Wells: Then why did you have four?
Col. Dixon: Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you got to have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she want a girl so you figure "Hell, three can't be much harder than two", right? What you don't realize is that your brain's fried because you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're so deep in it that nothing seems to matter any more. It's chaos. You're just trying to make it through each day alive. In the end you spend all the energy you have trying to get them into bed only to lie awake praying they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.
Airman Wells: Can't wait, sir.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.


Dr. Balinsky: Oh, Dr. Jackson's gonna die when he sees this!
Col. Dixon: What, again?


Bregman: You know, I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later, even if all I get is a series of shots of you avoiding being got.
Col. O'Neill: Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.


President Hayes: "Hosted alien dignitaries"… "Acquired alien technology"… "Traveled back in time"? …Did they really blow up a sun?
Gen. Maynard: As I understand it, sir, yes they did.
Pres. Hayes: That's gotta look awfully good on the ol' résumé, eh?


Maj. Carter: ... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....
Col. O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
Gen. Hammond: Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.
Col. O'Neill: Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.


Dr. Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Dr. Jackson: Subtle, huh?


Dr. Jackson: "Praclarush Taonas." Jack, this is it!
Col. O'Neill:See, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.
Dr. Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.
Col. O'Neill: Following. Still. You. Not!


Dr. Weir: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink left in the kitchen.
Col. O'Neill: Is that a joke?
Dr. Weir: Perhaps. A bad one
Col. O'Neill: Yes. Very bad. But I sense hope for you.


Pres. Hayes: Will you shut the hell up?
Dr. Weir: Sorry, sir.
Pres. Hayes: Not you, Doctor.
Kinsey: Excuse me?
Pres. Hayes: Consider your resignation accepted, Bob.
Kinsey: You can't do that!
Pres. Hayes: Oh, please! I've got enough on you to have you shot.
Kinsey: This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.
Pres. Hayes: But I think I'll stick to my original thought, which is shut the hell up!

SG1 season 6

Dr. McKay: [about Anubis] Has a real flair for the dramatic, doesn't he? Very theatrical.
Maj. Carter: Yeah, pretty much all the Goa'uld are like that.
Dr. McKay: But, why wait? Why does this guy show up a day and a half after this all starts to do his whole "prepare to meet your doom" thing?
Maj. Carter: I don't know, maybe he wanted to make sure it was gonna work.
Dr. McKay: Yeah, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? "Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!" And then the Gate shuts down. "Oops, sorry, never mind."


[Carter kisses McKay on the cheek]
Dr. McKay: [thrilled] That means you don't hate me.
Major Carter: Maybe. Too bad for you.
Dr. McKay: Why?
Major Carter: I was more attracted to you when I did.


Dr. Michaels: Hi. It's nice to finally meet you, Major.
Maj. Carter: You too. Dr. Michaels, this is Dr. Fraiser.
Dr. Michaels: Doctor.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Dr. Michaels: [also introducing] Uh…Drs. Woods and Osbourne.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Dr. Woods: Doctor.
Dr. Osbourne: Major.
Maj. Carter: Doctor.
Woods: Major.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Col. O'Neill: All right. That's enough.


Ba'al: Who are you?
Col. O'Neill: You go first.
Ba'al: [picking up a knife] You claim you do not know me?
Col. O'Neill: Well, take no offense there, Skippy, I'm sure you're a real hot, important Goa'uld, I've just always been kind of out of the loop with the snake thing.
Ba'al: I am Ba'al.
Col. O'Neill: That's it? Just "Ball"? As in Bocce?
Ba'al: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence? [aims the knife at Jack]
Col. O'Neill: I don't know the meaning of the word. Seriously. "Impudence." What does that mean?


Dr. Jackson: I'm energy now…
Col. O'Neill: How's that working out for you?
Dr. Jackson: Good, actually. Very…
Col. O'Neill: Good.
Dr. Jackson: Very good.


Dr. Jackson: It's your journey. No one but you can choose what you become or the path you take. All I can promise you is it will be an amazing journey. Once you release your burden.
Col. O'Neill: Daniel, so help me, if you start talkin' like Oma…
Dr. Jackson: I'm not talking like Oma Desala.
Col. O'Neill: Sounds like Oma to me.
Dr. Jackson: No, no, no…see, Oma Desala would say something like…uh, uh, if you know the candle is fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago or something like that.
Col. O'Neill: Why?
Dr. Jackson: To open your mind.
Col. O'Neill: Though a candle burns in my house…there's nobody home


Dr. Coombs: They'll be back, Felger. Can't you see they're just having fun with you?
Dr. Felger: What are you talking about? There's something going on out there.
Dr. Coombs: Oh, please, huh? They're just tired of your butt-snorkeling.


Dr. Felger: Bite me, Coombs! At least my heroes exist. If this was a Trek convention you'd be all dressed up like a Klingon.
Dr. Coombs: Vulcan, Felger. Vulcan. And I don't know how you can call yourself a scientist and not worship at the altar of Roddenberry!
Dr. Felger: [mockingly] Oooh, how we gonna get outta this one, Captain? Oh, I don't know, something to do with a tachyon emitter?


Maj. Carter: How come you're not smiling?
Jonas: Should I be?
Maj. Carter: Well, it is your first time being captured by a Goa'uld.


Herak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
Col. O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard!


Dr. Felger: You are not going to die, Coombs.
Dr. Coombs: Oh, come on, Felger! We might as well be wearing red shirts!


Maj. Carter: It seemed like a power fluctuation in the cycle output of the naquadah reactor. But at closer inspection, I discovered the absorption port and its redundancy had been tampered with.
Col. O'Neill: Carter! I haven't had coffee.


Col. O'Neill: Alright now, how is that possible? I mean, how does she make kids without a… [pause] …man friend? Malek: Symbiote queens are able to fertilize their own eggs. It is essentially an asexual process.
Col. O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?


Col. O'Neill: They didn't go for it.
Maj. Carter: They didn't approve the mission?
Col. O'Neill: No, they did that. Once they knew the stakes and the whole "fate of the universe" stuff, both the president and Hammond realized we have no choice. He sends good luck, godspeed, and all those things he says when he thinks we're gonna die.
Maj. Carter: So what didn't they go for?
Col. O'Neill: The name I suggested.
Maj. Carter: For the ship?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
Maj. Carter: Yeah, sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
Col. O'Neill: Why not?


Thor: If in fact you are reconsidering...
Col. O'Neill: No, no. I full well expected the other shoe to drop.
Thor: We can only hope that this will be the last footwear to fall.


Jonas: The possibility of being insane has been interfering with my ability to relax.


Maybourne: Nothing more than a good wiener.
Col. O'Neill: Yes, you are what you eat.


Teal'c: The Celts were formidable warriors in their time. Their descendants may make valuable allies.
Col. O'Neill: You've seen Braveheart too often.


Teal'c: I would prefer not to consume bovine lactose at any temperature.


Col. Ronson: There's no redundancy for that particular system.
Col. O'Neill: So, you're saying there's no redundancy.


Mot: You are the Tauri of Stargate Command.
Col. O'Neill: And you are Lord Mot. Come to punish us for our insolence, yada, etcetera, et al.
Mot: That is correct.
Col. O'Neill: Well Mr Mot. We're onto you. We know what you've got planned and we've informed the Tok'ra. If we don't report back on schedule, they're goina rat you out, they'll tell your boss, they'll snitch on ya.

My obsession continues….

Ok so I just finished up Season 5 of SG1 I won’t mention what happens at the end of Season 5, I knew it would happen eventually, but boo hoo.


O'Neill: I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
O'Neill: Bad?
Jackson: I wasn't going to say anything...

O'Neill: So, what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure. He is concealing it.

Anise: Your strength is five times that of a normal human.
O'Neill: So, no increase then, huh?

O'Neill: What kind of archaeologist carries a weapon?
Jackson: Uh... I do.

Markov: The sub is Swiss.
Jackson: So they occasionally catch fire, but they keep perfect time. pause Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much

Unas refusing food: Ka!
Jackson: Now don't say Ka until you've tried it

O'Neill: There's a man... He's bald and wears a short-sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me. I think his name is Homer

Teal'c: I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-o.
O'Neill: Call Daniel.

Colonel Simmons: Need I remind you, Dr. Jackson, of the dangers that we're trying to defend Earth against?
Jackson: Oh, could you? I mean, go slow.

Carter: "I've never blown up a star before."
O’Neill: "They say the first one is always the hardest."

Daniel: "I figured that flashing wasn't good news. And the fact that in Goa'uld it says, 'Warning, Warning..."

Teal'c: "Trust in me, O'Neill."
O’Neill: "What if I'm not O'Neill?"
Teal'c: "Then I was not talking to you."

Jack: to Hammond "IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKSWING?!?"


Anise: You may call me Anise.
Jackson: Anise?
Anise: It means "Noble Strength".
Jackson: I'm Daniel. It means, uh, "God is my judge".
O'Neill: I'm Jack. It means... What's in the box?

O'Neill: Well, I guess now we can go back and tell General Hammond that the Tok'ra boned us again!

Jackson: We were hoping you could kinda…um, like…beam them out.
Jacob: Beam them out? What am I, Scotty?

Major Davis: [Over the radio]: Jack or Teal'c, please respond.
O'Neill: Flight, Digger One. We read you. We have lost control of the craft to some sort of hidden recall device that apparently the scum-sucking, slimy, snake-ass Apophis installed in his death gliders. Over.

Carter, Teal'c and Narim entering Narim's house
Automatic voice (it's Sam's voice): "Greetings, Narim. Welcome home. Atmosphere control is active. Shall I prepare a mid-day meal for you and your guests?"
Narim: "No, thank you."
Carter: "Narim?"
Narim: "Yes, Samantha?"
Carter: "Is that my voice?"
Narim: "I'm sorry, I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

Jackson: (disbelieving): "...little grey butts."

Teal'c has another memory: "Do not test my temper, woman"
Jackson: "Woman? Did..did he just call me a...a...a woman?"
O’Neill: "Yes, I believe he did."

Carter: "So...is it working? Is he...did he say anything?"
O’Neill: "Talked about fabric, briefly."
Jackson: "He just called me a woman."

O’Neill: "Ah the sound of the other shoe"

Carter: If it comes right down to it, we can detonate it right here. What's our position?
Jackson: Well, personally, I'm against it. But if you want to know where the ship is, we're about five meters above the surface at the bottom of the crater.

O'Neill: It's always suicide-mission this save-the-planet that. No one ever stops by just to say hi anymore.

O'Neill: "I'd like to take this opportunity to say that this is a poorly designed bomb and we should say something to someone when we get back."

O'Neill: We brought dinner and a movie.
Teal'c: Star Wars.
O'Neill: Teal'c's seen it what, eight times?
Teal'c: Nine.
O'Neill: Nine times. If Teal'c likes it, it's gotta be OK.
Carter: You've never seen Star Wars?
O'Neill: Well, you know me and sci-fi...

Teal'c: If I were still loyal to the Goa'uld you would know it.
Col. Simmons: Really?
Teal'c: It would be immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

O'Neill: I have great confidence in you, Carter. Go on back to the SGC and… confuse Hammond.

Cassandra: What do you see when you look at me now?
Carter: I see you. And until your head starts spinning around, and probably even then, I will still see…you.

Jackson: I just hope we don't regret giving them those Gate addresses.
O'Neill: I don't think we will, the first one being a black hole and all. They get progressively darker after that.

Jackson: You'd think a race advanced enough to fly around in space ships would be smart enough to have seat belts, huh?
Jacob: We just prefer not to crash.

O'Neill: Ah, they'll fix it up.
Jackson: I'm confident.
O'Neill: Me too.
Teal'c: As am I.

O'Neill: Hammond will find us.
Jackson: I'm confident.
Carter: Me too.
Teal'c: As am I.


Now what is incredibly suckful is that Costco no longer seems to be carrying the SG1thinpak (or fat). Do I really want to spend $40 for the next 5 seasons? No. Will I? Stay tuned…

That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute. You are your god. That's a problem

I am on Season 3 of SG1 and can I just tell you how much I am enjoying this show? Season 3 has a lot of episodes that I have never seen (sly lie must not have bought the set) which is like going through your bookshelves and finding books by an author you love, that you have never read and is part of a series. Don't get me wrong stand alones have their place, just not in my bookshelf…well, ok that’s not quite true, I think I had a bookshelf for singles, but as they all fell over and books now cover my entire house in no semblance of order whatsoever and I can't find a frelling thing EVER...What the hell was I talking about?

So there I am a happy little commuter sitting on the train, watching my SG1 happy as a pig in poop until….Sam’s dad is dying, so I bawl my eyes out, Daniel’s wife dies, so I bawl my eyes out, Jack wants to keep a girl from getting her memory wiped…Daniel leaves SG1...do you know how pathetic it is 1) to be bawling your eyes out on the commuter rail with only a shirtsleeve to keep you company and 2) to be bawling your eyes out to SG1? This is of course my light bulb moment that I really should be taking my happy pills regularly.

Luckily it's not all gloom and doom sometimes I laugh my ass off.

General Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your military exploits? Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then I'd have to shoot anybody that actually read it. pause That's a joke, sir.

O'Neill: I thought you said it was Greek.
Jackson: Oh, um, Mycenae was an ancient city in the southern Peloponnesus region.
O'Neill: Where's that?
Jackson: Greece.
O'Neill: Why do I do that?

O'Neill: We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bra'tac: No, the bridge is too well guarded.
O'Neill: No, actually, there I was using a cliche.

O'Neill: Well, I suppose now is the time for me to say something profound... Nothing comes to mind.

Carter: This tastes like chicken.
Jackson: So what's wrong with it?
Carter: It's macaroni and cheese.

O'Neill: It's "O'Neill," with two L's. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.

Teal'c: If you once again try to harm me or one of my companions, my patience with you will expire.

An officer asks them in Russian if they're spies.
Jackson: Nyet.
O'Neill: Daniel
Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies and- realizes the problem
Guard: Come with me.
O'Neill on the way out: Nyet?

O'Neill: You know that "we come in peace" business? Bite me.

Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.

O'Neill: Well, it's hard to say.
Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
O'Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce.

Carter: Actually, I'm a Major now.
Aris Boch: Oh. Well, how very important. I'll inform the galaxy.

Well…maybe you had to be there

Sly Lie, Lasers up the Woo Woo and SG1

On Monday I go to get an upper GI. I am hoping that Cheeze please has created a song for me by then. When I had to get a laser up the woowoo to combat kidney stones she created a song that she and Moo sang while I was undergoing the procedure. It is a comfort to know that people are making fun you when you are knocked out with the potential to never wake up.

Because of the impending procedure I had to steal my mom’s cosco card. You see, I have an addiction. Its name is SG1. I have a love/hate relationship with SG1. SG1 began its life on Showtime, we have never subscribed to the “extra” channels on cable, even when they are free we never find anything we want to watch on them. Then came the DARK TIMES. This is when the Sly Lie (Sci Fi) channel cancelled quite possibly the best television show that has ever been produced; Farscape. They cancelled Farscape because it cost too much to produce and then bought SG1. I decided to boycott the sly lie channel even though it was my favorite station out there. I boycotted the station for several years, until one fateful March when I came home with a new baby and quite frankly had no idea what to do and was suffering from post partum. So I sat on my couch for a couple of weeks, snuggling with my newborn son and not being able to do much of anything else, when I happened upon…a SG1 marathon. I fell in love.

Now 3 years later with a self inflicted mandate to not read any new books unless I have blogged about the ones I have already read (I have 5 or so to do). Since I have a almost 2 hour commute to and from work, I needed something to do. When my mom and I went shopping at Costco and I walked past the DVD section I knew it was a sign when I saw all 10 seasons there. So I bought the first 2 seasons. That was just a few weeks ago and I have watched them all. I sneak them at lunch, I watch them while Spotty is playing, I stay up late to watch, not that I have an addictive personality or anything.

That has left me in a bit of a dilemma, I will be home without child all day on Monday, so on Tuesday I stole my moms card and ran to grab season 3. Guess what? The only season they did not have was season 3. #$$#@@#$%%#@## . So I picked up season 4 and 5. Then I grabbed Buffy season 1.

I never got into Buffy, not because I didn’t want to but when it premiered, we were already watching 2 Star Treks, X-files, Friends, Millennium, Farscape, (and the other shows on the Sci Fi Friday lineup) ER and the Simpsons. Back then we were taping shows every night I think. We used to take days off work so we could stay home and catch up.

Back to the dilemma, I walked out of Costco with a heavy heart, I was happy I had Buffy, but I really wanted to wallow in SG1 and there was no way I could watch season 4 before watching season 3, that’s just crazy talk. As I was driving back to my parents house I passed….BEST BUY. I ran in, they had 1 season 3 left. I grabbed it and then noticed the price $40! At Costco it’s $20. I stood there deliberating should I or should I wait. Then I slapped myself, who was I kidding? I wanted it; if I waited I would get cranky. Was there any need for that?

So on Monday when you are all working, sing me a song of the esophagus and go over to the sly lie channel, frelling SG1 should be on at some point.