Buffy Season 7

Holy Crap no more Buffy. This was a phenomenal series. The acting was good, the stories were great. This is a show I cannot wait to show Spotty Chop. “Look, smart girls are both beautiful and fun.” I think the thing I liked most about the series is that it never took itself too seriously. I mean hot chick in heals and leather pants kicks vampire, demon and god(ess) ass. Really? I think I am a closet romantic, don’t tell anyone, but my heart broke multiple times as the Scooby squad grew, shrunk and transformed.

I recently read somewhere that a theory is out equating the rise in violence against women to the amount of accepted violence to women on TV. I remember thinking “wow, Buffy gets her ass handed to her daily," but it’s not gratuitous violence, she’s kicking ass against Big Bad’s. The story wouldn’t work if she never got hit. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the theory is wrong, and I think that the law doesn’t go far enough in domestic violence cases. I guess I could see it going either way. I happen to enjoy a bit of violence (on TV and movies and video games…) now and then. I don’t think my rages are caused by this…I could be wrong.

Here are my final favorite quotes of the series.

Buffy: My first time out, I missed the heart too.
Dawn: No way.
Buffy: Just the once.


Dawn: I know! You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away


Buffy: My sister's about to go to the same school that tried to kill me for three years. I can't change districts, I can't afford private school, and I can't begin to prepare for what may come out of there. So peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.



Principal Wood: You seem a bit young to have such a grown-up daughter.
Buffy: No! Uh, no. Sister.
Principal Wood: Oh, right. Of course.
Buffy: You didn't really think she's my… it's my hair. I have mom hair.

Principal Wood: Well, that's great! Look at that. It's not even noon and I've already bullied my first family member into helping out. I'm going to be the best principal ever


Willow: Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. Complete mystery to me.


Xander: How exactly do you make cereal?
Buffy: Ah. You put the box near the milk. I saw it on the Food Channel.


Dawn: So the principal's evil?
Buffy: Or in a boatload of danger.
Xander: Well, the last two principals were eaten. Who'd even apply for that job?


Xander: At a spanking new Hellmouth High. Please, outside of drugs, violence, and unwanted pregnancy and the unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes pouring out of its schools foundation every now and then, what trouble could these kids have?


Dawn: I'm command central so everybody check in with me. Okay, I'll be here doing my homework but the other one sounded cooler.


Dawn: Spike? You sleep, right? You, vampires… you sleep?
Spike: Yeah, what's your point, niblet?
Dawn: Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all… touch her… you're going to wake up on fire.


Xander: Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.


Xander: Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil.
Buffy: I hope you're right, because defeating Lazy Willow — probably less hard


Anya: Here's something you should know about vengeance demons. We don't groove with the sorry. We prefer, "Oh, God! Please stop hitting me with my own rib bones!"


Xander: We should've put a leash on him.
Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.


Dawn: It's smellementary. Also I'm sure there's tons like this, you know procedures we can use that don't involve magic spells, just good solid detective work. And we can develop a data base of tooth impressions and demon skin samples and I could wear high heels more often.
Buffy: Wow, that was so close to being empowered.
Dawn: Everybody loves a slender ankle.


Xander: Figuring out how to control your magic seems a lot like hammering a nail. At the end of the hammer, you have the power, but no control. It takes, like, two strokes to hit the nail in, or you could hit your thumb.
Willow: Ouch.
Xander: So you choke up. Control, but no power. It could take like ten strokes to knock the nail in. Power, control. It's a trade off.
Willow: That's actually not a bad analogy. Except, I'm less worried about hitting my thumb, and more worried about going all black-eyed baddy and bewitching that hammer into cracking my friends' skulls open like coconuts.
Xander: Right. Ouch.


Anya: Just got back, as in you're all better, or just got back to bring about a fiery apocalypse of death.


Buffy: She knows about viscera. Makes you proud.


Willow: You know Giles says everything's part of the earth. This bed. The air. Us.
Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything.
Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon.
Buffy: True.




Willow: It just takes so much strength. I don't have that much.
Buffy: I got so much strength, I'm giving it away.
Willow: Are you sure?
Buffy: Will it help?
Willow: Much.
Buffy: Good


Buffy: Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law.
Xander: There has to be another way.
Buffy: Then please find it.
Buffy: You realize that Anya's probably seducing R.J. even as we speak.
Willow: My God. You think so?
Buffy: Well, I wouldn't put it past her. She's recently evil, you know.
Willow: Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?


Holden: Oh. So, when you said not connected, that was kind of a telling statement, wasn't it—?
Buffy: Ah, Psych 101 alert.
Holden: Well, I'm just saying.
Buffy: Yeah, what I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead.
Holden: Hey, it was your phrase.


Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half way to happy land by now.
Spike: I need my pants.


Bouncer: Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wannabe?
Buffy: Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from—never mind. Has he been here?


Giles: Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse.


Buffy: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble. (looks at Giles) Think you'll ever show up for a real visit? The kind where the world isn't about to end?
Giles: If we survive this, I promise.
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I miss you.
Giles: I miss you too.


Buffy: They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?


Anya: OK, Torg, look, you open this tiny little gateway to the Beljoxa's Eye for me, and I'll— You and I will go— I'll have sex with you again.
Torg: Ugh, please, you're human. The way you look now, I wouldn't touch you for all the kittens in Korea.
Anya: You're rejecting my offer of sexual bribery? What am I, a leper in this town? I can't even give it away!
Torg: Come back when you are a leper.


Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.


Xander: You thought you were all special. Miss Sunnydale 2003. And the minute you found out you weren't, you handed the crown to Amanda without a moment's pause. You gave her your power.
Dawn: The power wasn't mine.
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing. Knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is. Maybe I should get a cape.
Dawn: Cape is good.


Buffy: No, I enjoy my responsibility as mentor, role model, life guide— oh, my God, I cannot believe I have my bathroom all to myself for two whole days.


Buffy: OK. You're right. Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.


Willow: So, he asked you out to dinner?
Buffy: Yeah. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right?
Willow: Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen.
Buffy: Or, it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: Oh, right, that—that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.


Willow: Oh, hi. Hey. Well, Buffy, I—I see that our preparation for the school-pep-dance-cheer-drill contest are coming along. Bring it on!
Buffy: It's OK, I filled him in on everything.
Willow: Oh, thank God! If I had to explain all these weapons, I had nothing.


Dawn: Do you know that ancient Sumerians do not speak English?
Buffy: They're worse than the French.


Dawn: Well, I've got a system. It's called flunking out. No, just kidding. I'm paying someone to do my work. I'm kidding. I love to see your eyeballs change color when you think I'm gonna flunk out...


Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe.
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I—I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?
Robin: Uh, that would — that would be me.


Faith: Hey, got a spare bed for a wanted fugitive?
Giles: Hello, Faith.
Faith: Well, I guess "wanted" wasn't really accurate.
Dawn: Does she have to stay here? Because there's some nice hotels that welcome tried-to-kill-your-sister types.
Faith: Check it out. Brat's all woman-sized.


Robin: I'll be OK. Unless, of course, you start beating up on me now.
Buffy: I won't. Well, I thought about it. I made some doodles.


Spike: You craving a moment alone in the dank, or can I bum one?
Faith: Well, I guess you can smoke all you want—the big C not really an issue.
Spike: Teeth get yellow after an eternity. Gotta watch that.


Kennedy: What kind of band plays during an apocalypse?
Dawn: I think this band might actually be one of the signs.


Andrew: Right. Right. Gotcha. I—I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me, too.
Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I—I don't understand how such a thing is possible.
Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.


Buffy: I don't want to be the one.
Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.


Caleb: You whore.
Buffy: You know, you really should watch your language. If someone didn't know you, they might think you were a woman-hating prick.


Andrew: I liked the real bandages better. These bedsheets are awfully festive.
Anya: Yeah, they're going to look like mortally wounded Easter baskets.


Buffy: But you're right. I mean, I guess everyone's alone but being a Slayer? There's a burden we can't share.
Faith: And no one else can feel it. Thank god we're hot chicks with superpowers.
Buffy: Takes the edge off.
Faith: Comforting.
Buffy: Mm-hmm.


Andrew: Oh, this one has oxygen tanks.
Anya: They'd only be useful if something big was attacking, and then we could shove one down their throat and blow 'em up like Roy Scheider did with that shark in "Jaws."
Andrew: You are the perfect woman.
Anya: I've often thought so. Wanna rob?
Andrew: Let's rob.


Angel: We are talking about Spike here.
Buffy: It's different. He's different. He has a soul now.
Angel: That's great. Everyone's got a soul now.
Buffy: He'll make a difference.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing.
Buffy: Oh, my God. Are you 12?
Angel: I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.


Buffy: You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put you 2 in a room and let you wrestle it out.
Spike: No problem at this end.
Buffy: There could be oil of some kind involved.


Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my girlfriend has a pierced tongue kind of way


Faith: Guy looks at me, let's just say his priorities shift.
Robin: Why, because you're so hot?
Faith: It's what it is, yo.
Robin: Oh, please. I am so much prettier than you are. Oh, and, uh, for the record, our little encounter didn't exactly change my world.
Faith: You're tripping! That was rock 'em, sock 'em!
Robin: No, no, no, no. It was—it was—it was nice enough, you know, and you're—you're very, um... mm, enthused, and I think with a little more experience—
Faith: Dude, I got mad skills.
Robin: Yeah, of course. Let's finish up.
Faith: No, hell with that. We're going again, baby. You're gonna learn a little respect here, pal.
Robin: Faith— Make me a deal, all right? We live through this, you give me the chance to surprise you.
Faith: What would be the surprise?
Robin: You do know the meaning of the word, right?
Faith: No way you're prettier than me.
Robin: A little bit, yeah.


Giles: Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I just wish I could sleep.


Giles: Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow.
Dawn: We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.

Stargate SG1 Season 9

*I still love this series as much as ever, they make me laugh...and cry


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [to Vala] Ladies first.
Vala: [to Daniel] Well then, after you.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Wicked!...and empty.
Vala: I haven't been this disappointed since Daniel and I had sex.


Vala: Well. Don't you all have me surrounded.
General Landry: Welcome to the SGC. I'm General Landry.
Vala: Vala. Vala Mal Doran. Thank you so much for the lovely greeting party. We all had a wonderful time searching each other, didn't we, boys?


Vala: These were her ceremonial marriage bracelets. She would affix them to herself and her husband of the moment.
Dr. Jackson: "Of the moment".
Vala: Yes, she had many. One of the few admirable traits about her


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book



Vala: I've got tingles all over. And don't flatter yourself, I'm pretty sure it's not you.


Dr. Jackson: I'm sorry to interrupt, but um…if you brought us here to try and convert us, it is fair to tell you that we are really not in the market for new gods.


Prior: Origin will guide you on this path, and those who revere its wisdom shall be uplifted. I have come to spread the word to the unbelievers who have been... sheltered, and raised by evil.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You have no idea how much he sounds like my grandma.


General O'Neill: Now, see, that's one of the great things about being a general. You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: I suppose after you've saved the world seven or eight times…
General O'Neill: Who's counting, huh?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Teal'c.


General Landry: Don't make me promote you


Inago: Vala! You cowardly, backstabbing sorry excuse for a woman. How've you been?
Vala: Inago. You filthy, double talking slug. Nice to see you too.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Obviously they used to date.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: How good is this? Got the band back together!
Lt. Colonel Carter: Yeah, so what's with the extra back-up singer?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Oh, she's good fun.


Dr. Jackson: Vala, this is a military vessel.
Vala: I know, darling. I've stolen it before.
Dr. Jackson: Well, just try to be, uh…
Vala: My charming self?
Dr. Jackson: Just a little less talk; a little more shut the hell up.


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Witnesses?
Dr. Jackson: One. Some guy who was working overtime, spent most of the firefight under his desk, but was able to provide the descriptions of three individuals: big, tattooed, chain mail pants.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: So it's either our Jaffa, or KISS is back on tour.


Volnek: Oh, we have unfinished business.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Hey, take it easy.
Volnek: You shot me!
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You shot me first!


Lt. Colonel Carter: Huh. Maybe it wasn't our fault.
Dr. Jackson: I thought it was always our fault.


General Landry: Colonel Carter, I've read your proposal.
Lt. Colonel Carter: And?
General Landry: And I'm not exactly sure what an aneurysm feels like, but I suspect I'm pretty close.


Dr. Lee: Well, trying to achieve something as specific as isolating one small part of the brain is like...it's like... trying to...do something...that's impossible.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Good analogy.


Prior: We are beacons on the road to enlightenment.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: No, you are dark-side intergalactic encyclopedia salesmen, but unfortunately, the home office hasn't been quite upfront with you.
Dr. Jackson: Nice work on the metaphor.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Thank You.


Vala: Came to see me off? That's sweet.
Dr. Jackson: Well, we've been through a lot together. I just wanted to come here myself and make sure you were… thoroughly searched


Vala: Thank you! I apologize for ever questioning your masterful skills at negotiation!
Dr. Jackson: He's doing the best he can.
Vala: That's what terrifies me!


Jared Kane: Do you ever give up?
Dr. Jackson: Not till I'm dead. And sometimes not even then


Worrel: So, you were done slaying system lords and decided to move on to more pressing agricultural concerns?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That's exactly it. Corn patrol.


Lt. Col Mitchell: Sir, I don't mean to gripe.
General Landry: Permission to gripe granted.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: We're being put on babysitting duty?


Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That was alternate reality. This is alternate dimension. Hell, all I need is a good time-travel adventure, and I've scored the SG-1 trifecta.


Vala: I did my best to blend in. At first according to Tomin and therefore as far as the villagers were concerned I was the woman who fell from the sky which made me feel kind of special. I later learned that they always suspected I’d escaped from another village as a result of some scandal and then I started to feel much more like I’m used to.


Teal'c: You have been impregnated, without copulation.
Vala: Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: W-Well.. there is one.
Teal'c: Darth Vader.
Vala: Really? How did that turn out?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.

Farscape and Netflix

Last Night I started watching Farscape. I LOVE this series, I was a religious follower every Friday night. When Sly Lie channel canceled the series I protested, I signed things, I was PISSED. So pissed off that I boycotted Sly Lie for YEARS, who the Frell did they think they were getting rid of the best Sci Fi series since ever, and to put in its place SG1? Are you frelling kidding me????? (As I may have mentioned before, Post Partum was kicking my ass for a bit and the only way I could function was to have Spotty Chop lying on me and me watching…the cheese that is Sly lie. I watched ROAR, Star Trek and yes…I broke down and watched SG1).


Back to last night.

Boy Toy was reading to Spotty, so I start watching the first episode (it’s in my queue,) watching the opening minutes and getting kind of giddy as the sights and sounds rolled over me. And then Spotty came into the room and in a moment of clarity I envision watching this with him. The sense of wonder and holy crap this is Frelling un-be-leave-able. So I tell him “some day Spotty Chop you will watch this with me” I pull him up on my lap. “this show will BLOW YOUR MIND!!!!!” “I can’t wait for you to meet all of these people” IT IS UNBELEIVEABLE!!!! Spotty starts giggling. I am fist punching his arms in the air shouting WAIT FOR THE AWESOME!!!! Spotty starts laughing uncontrollably. I realize that I may be more excited about showing him this than I am Star Wars.

Ok now, pick yourselves off the floor. It’s just Spotty knows the entire story line and he has NEVER seen the movies (or the animated series). How can he not with a mom like me, who eats , sleeps and reads Star Wars stuff? So to introduce him to one of the best shows that has ever graced the screen is…mind blowing. And this is just the beginning, there will be Buffy and Firefly and SG1 and….THE HIGHLANDER and….Deep Space 9 and…that might be it…oh no forgot Beavis and Butthead!

I can’t wait!!!!!

Buffy Season 6

My favorite quotes of this season...


Tara: It was supposed to confuse him but it just made him peppy. Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?


Willow: I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.

Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we: a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.

Xander: I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star.
Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star, it's an airplane.

Giles: Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious.

Warren: What the hell is that?
Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Jonathan: Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts.
Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi.
Jonathan: That's a flawed design!

Dawn: So what are you supposed to be?
Anya: An angel.
Dawn: Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
Anya: Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.

Buffy: Did you know about this?
Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
Buffy: Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
Giles: Tell no one.

Buffy: Were you parking? With a vamp?
Dawn: I didn't know he was dead.
Justin: Living dead.
Dawn: Shut up.
Buffy: How did you not know?
Dawn: I just met him.
Buffy: Oh, so you were parking with a boy you just met?
Justin: We've seen each other at parties.
Buffy: Shut up.
Dawn: Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire?
Buffy: That was different.
Dawn: It always is when it's you.

Tara: To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?
Willow: Violate you? I... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you.
Tara: If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear.
Willow: But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us.
Tara: But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together

Giles: Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.

Giles: We'll get our memory back, it'll all be right as rain.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that Nancy-boy accent. You English men are always so... bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh god... I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the Nancy tribe.
Spike: You don't suppose you and I...we're not related, are we?
Anya: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
Giles: Yes, and you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and ... disappointment. Older brother?
Spike: Father. Oh God, how I must hate you!
Giles: What did I do!?

Buffy: Hey... how've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she-Really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much découpage without calling on the powers of darkness.

Buffy: Yeah, well, to you and me they're just candles, but to witches they're like... bongs.

Buffy: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
Spike: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.

Willow: You know, when I was little I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them and just think... he-he-he!

Willow: Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
Buffy: Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty.
Willow: Well, that's the beauty. You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.
Buffy: Go nuts.

Andrew: Think your little witch buddy's gonna stop with us? You saw her! She's a truck-driving magic mama! And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa burgers. And not one of you bunch has the midi-clorians to stop her.
Xander: You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you?
Anya: The annoying virgin has a point.

Anya: I care if you live or die, Xander. I'm just not sure which one I want

Dark Willow: You called me a rank, arrogant amateur. Well buckle up, Rupert... 'Cause I've turned pro.

Dark Willow: Is this the master plan? You're gonna stop me by telling me ya love me?
Xander: Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but, eh, it seemed kinda cartoony.

SG1 Season 8

Dr. Jackson: I was just going over some research material on the delegates they're sending. Camulus was the one who sent the original message. Then there's Amaterasu, Japanese Sun Goddess, and the last one is Lord Yu.
Dr. Weir: Yu?
Dr. Jackson: Don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.

Dr. Weir: Oh, I'm not sure anything can surprise me at this point.
Camulus: I wish to request asylum.
Dr. Weir: Well, it seems I was wrong again.


Col. O'Neill: Sweet. What is it?
Dr. Jackson: We don't know, you made it.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.
Col. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: Yes.

Col. O'Neill: I've spent my whole life stickin' it to the Man. If I do this, I'll be the Man. I don't think I can be the Man.


Dr. Jackson: Yeah, don't take General O'Neill's decision personally.
Col. Vaselov: Frankly, his attitude is offensive. It leads me to wonder if he knows the cold war is over.
Dr. Jackson: His attitude has nothing to do with you being Russian. He's an equal opportunity offender.

Lt. Col. Carter: Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?
Gen. O'Neill: I thought it odd he was shooting up the Gate room.


Ba'al: You dare mock me?
Gen. O'Neill: Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.
Ba'al: You have one more day.
Gilmore: Is it really wise to provoke him?
Gen. O'Neill: It's what I do


Dr. Lee: Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.
Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.
Gen. O'Neill: I thought a failsafe was meant to be somewhat safe from failure


Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.


Gen. O'Neill: I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.


Jack O'Neill: They want a what?
Sam Carter: A goat, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
Sam Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
Sam Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
Jack O'Neill: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.


Gen. O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

Bra'tac: May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.

Dr. Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, where'd I learn that from?


Gen. O'Neill: General!
Gen. Hammond: Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
Gen. O'Neill: Absolutely not! Welcome.
Gen. Hammond: Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Miss the chair?
Gen. Hammond: Actually I do.
Gen. O'Neill: Want it back?
Gen. Hammond: As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
Gen. O'Neill: That's not exactly what I meant...


Dr. Jackson: Uh, the name's Olo. Hans Olo.


Garan: Surrender your weapons, or die where you stand!
Gen. O'Neill: Oh, if I had a nickel...

Gen. O'Neill: Five bucks says Carter has a theory.

Gen. O'Neill: Jacob!
Jacob: Jack, we've got a problem. We need to talk.
Gen. O'Neill: Hi! Hello. How are ya? Long time, no see. What's doing? What's up? Hey, buddy!
Jacob: I'm sorry, Jack. It's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion.
Gen. O'Neill: Thanks.
Jacob: You deserve it.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes. Well... What's up?
Jacob: The Replicators. They've launched an all out attack on the Goa'uld. If the Goa'uld can't find a way to stop them, the Replicators will easily overrun our galaxy, in a matter of weeks.
Gen. O'Neill: Why didn't you say so?


Gen. O'Neill: Don't be afraid to remind him that we've saved his cute little grey bum several times.


Gen. O'Neill: I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.


Ba'al: You cannot be serious.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.
Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.
Gen. O'Neill: I think big.


Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.


Dr. Jackson: You mean, they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
Oma Desala: Okay. Maybe not the naked part.


Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
Lt. Col. Carter::...There are no fish in this pond, are there?
Gen. O'Neill: Nope.


Dr. Jackson: I can't believe I'm finally gonna prove that the Great Pyramids predate the 4th dynasty.
Lt. Col. Carter: So, what are you gonna do? Stand in the picture holding a newspaper with today's date?


Dr. Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Why's that?
Dr. Jackson: Where am I?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?
Dr. Jackson: No, I mean the me from your time line.
Alt. Teal'c: I killed you.
Dr. Jackson: Why?
Alt. Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.
Dr. Jackson: A good reason.
Alt. Dr. Carter: It was horrible!
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.
Dr. Jackson: You don't know?
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Well, I know why I'm here.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Good. Let's start there.

SG1 Season 7

Native: [pointing to Teal'c] He is Jaffa.
Col. O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.


Col. O'Neill: All I'm saying... just for the record... this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302?
Col. O'Neill:Oh, yeah.
Maj. Carter: Wackier than—than blowing up a sun?
Col. O'Neill: Yep!
Maj. Carter: [to Jonas and Daniel] ...He's probably right.


Col. O'Neill: I thought we were going with Red Leader on this one.


Col. O'Neill: Haven't you guys heard the story about the dog and the dancing monkeys? It's about getting along and... dancing.


Gen. Hammond: Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?
Dr. Jackson: Stranger things have happened.
Teal'c: Name but one.
Dr. Jackson: Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies...


Dr. Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.


Col. O'Neill: It's time for Plan B.
Maj. Carter: We have a Plan B?
Col. O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.


Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that I have my mojo back.


Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.
Col. O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.


Col. O'Neill: How many times have I told you? Don't get caught by the bad guys!


Warrick: Major Carter, if you are to be my co-pilot, you will need to know how the ship works.
Maj. Carter: What is this?
Warrick: A complete operations manual for the Seberus, I had it translated for you.
Maj. Carter: Thank you!
Col. O'Neill: That's not our language!
Maj. Carter: It's mine, Sir.


Maj. Carter: It's an energy-based weapon, sir. It could, potentially, replace the missiles on the X-303.
Col. O'Neill: Phaser?
Chloe: More like a photon torpedo.


Col. Reynolds: Not much faith in Plan A?
Col. O'Neill: Since when has Plan A ever worked?


Sgt. Siler: [adjusting Jacob's armor] How's that, sir?
Jacob: Pretty good. Reminds me of my old football days.
Sgt. Siler: They had helmets back in those days, sir?
Jacob: Funny.


Teal'c: You are like a brother to me, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: You're like, what, 140?
Teal'c: A younger brother, perhaps. But that is not my point.


Daniel Jackson: Hey! Have I told you my latest theory yet? It's really cool. Lose something?
Maj. Carter: Did you see a…
Daniel Jackson: Little girl?
Maj. Carter: Yeah.
Daniel Jackson: No.


Col. O'Neill: That's what you get for dickin' around.


Maj. Carter: I feel compelled to warn you, most of the guys I've dated recently have died.


Bregman: …could we get a shot of the Gate spinning?
Maj. Carter: Sure. It's really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything.


Col. Dixon: I don't see any indication of anything here.
Dr. Balinsky: Take the usual bet on that, sir?
Col. Dixon: Sure. Wells?
Airman Wells: Abandoned naquadah mine.
Col. Dixon: Boring. But good odds. Bosworth?
Bosworth: I'm going to put my money on trees, sir.
Col. Dixon: Bosworth's disqualified for being a smart ass. I'll go with two-headed aliens.
Airman Wells: Hostile or friendly, sir?
Col. Dixon: One head good, one head bad. Balinsky?
Dr. Balinsky: Oh, the ruins of an ancient city.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, you wish.


Col. Dixon: Yeah, all-night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers... you have no idea. The reason they make them so damn cute is so you don't suffocate them in their sleep.
Airman Wells: Sir, you have four kids.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, why do you think I enjoy my work so much? Don't get me wrong, I love those little buggers to death, but trust me, having four kids makes going through a Stargate facing off against alien bad guys look like nothing. This is relaxing.
Airman Wells: Then why did you have four?
Col. Dixon: Well, one's pretty bad, but you figure you got to have two so the little guy can have a brother or sister, right? Then you have two boys, and the wife says she want a girl so you figure "Hell, three can't be much harder than two", right? What you don't realize is that your brain's fried because you haven't slept. After three, four is no big deal. You're so deep in it that nothing seems to matter any more. It's chaos. You're just trying to make it through each day alive. In the end you spend all the energy you have trying to get them into bed only to lie awake praying they don't get hooked on drugs, hurt, or worse... wind up dead in an alley somewhere.
Airman Wells: Can't wait, sir.
Col. Dixon: Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.


Dr. Balinsky: Oh, Dr. Jackson's gonna die when he sees this!
Col. Dixon: What, again?


Bregman: You know, I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later, even if all I get is a series of shots of you avoiding being got.
Col. O'Neill: Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.


President Hayes: "Hosted alien dignitaries"… "Acquired alien technology"… "Traveled back in time"? …Did they really blow up a sun?
Gen. Maynard: As I understand it, sir, yes they did.
Pres. Hayes: That's gotta look awfully good on the ol' résumé, eh?


Maj. Carter: ... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....
Col. O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
Gen. Hammond: Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.
Col. O'Neill: Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.


Dr. Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Dr. Jackson: Subtle, huh?


Dr. Jackson: "Praclarush Taonas." Jack, this is it!
Col. O'Neill:See, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.
Dr. Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.
Col. O'Neill: Following. Still. You. Not!


Dr. Weir: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink left in the kitchen.
Col. O'Neill: Is that a joke?
Dr. Weir: Perhaps. A bad one
Col. O'Neill: Yes. Very bad. But I sense hope for you.


Pres. Hayes: Will you shut the hell up?
Dr. Weir: Sorry, sir.
Pres. Hayes: Not you, Doctor.
Kinsey: Excuse me?
Pres. Hayes: Consider your resignation accepted, Bob.
Kinsey: You can't do that!
Pres. Hayes: Oh, please! I've got enough on you to have you shot.
Kinsey: This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.
Pres. Hayes: But I think I'll stick to my original thought, which is shut the hell up!

BUFFY - Season 5

Oh how I love thee!!! (and god bless rainy holiday weekends!)

Willow: Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?

Buffy: You're sure this is not just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've met a lot of pimply, overweight vamps calling themselves Lestat.

Xander: Where did you pick up the fruity accent? Sesame Street? "One victim, two victims, ah, ah, ah"

Xander: Where is he?! Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap! I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.

Buffy: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming Committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you suck.

Buffy: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home! [swings ax]
Dawn: Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
Buffy: Fine! I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night! [swings ax] That you got Anya hurt! [swings ax] Invited a vampire in! [swings ax] Got kidnapped! ...

Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Xander: I need a better place. Hey Buff, you've been to Hell. They've got one-bedrooms, right?

Buffy: Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z — from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.

Big Vampire: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

Buffy: [pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.

Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.

Buffy: I just had a bad day.
Dawn: Well, join the club.
Buffy: Could I be president?
Dawn: I'm president. You could be the janitor.

Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.

Spike: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you.

Donny: Tara, if you don't get in that car, I swear by God I will beat you down!
Xander: And I swear by your full and manly beard, you're gonna break something trying.

Anya: I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!

Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.

Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not say that.

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."

Xander: So, how goes the slaying?
Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night.
Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us about the killing, Buff.
Buffy: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.

Willow: Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.

Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp?

Glory: Never send a minion to do a god's work.

Spike: Brown robe types are always protecting something. It's the only way they can justify giving up girls.

Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!

Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
Dawn: All true?
Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise…
Tara: The reindeer part was nice.

Spike: [while being tortured by Glory] Yeah, OK, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words: the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim ex-god like you.

Buffy - Season 4

Another season of Buffy – I’ve actually gone a little over board with the Buffanator. I think I watched 8 or 10 shows over the weekend. Damn my addictive personality.

This was fun to get back into.

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process.

Willow: Oh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend.
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. The line's probably really long now, too.

Willow: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Well, he seemed so determined.

Xander: Do we hug?
Oz: I think we're too manly.

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.

Willow: He deserves a torturous and slow death by spider bites. Well, for today, we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.

Willow: How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Buffy: I thought that was the point.

Riley: There's definitely something off about her.
Graham: Maybe she's Canadian.

Xander: Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
Giles: A wee bit unethical.

Willow (to Riley): If you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!

Willow: It's me, isn't it?
Spike: What are you talking about?
Willow: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around.
Spike: Piffle.
Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me,' or, 'Oh, you're such a good friend.'
Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Willow: Really?
Spike: Thought about it.
Willow: When?
Spike: Remember last year? You had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath.
Willow: I never would have guessed. You played the bloodlust kinda cool.
Spike: Mmmm. I hate being obvious. Being all fangy and 'Rrrr.' Takes the mystery out.
Willow: But if you could...
Spike: If I could, yeah.

Buffy: It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham.
Willow: You're not gonna jokey-ryhme your way out of this.

Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could've said

Forrest: Well, the way I got it figured, The Slayer is like some kind of bogeyman to sub-terrestrials. Something they tell their little spawn to make them eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits.
Riley: You're telling me she doesn't exist?
Forrest: Oh, wait a sec. Am I bursting somebody's bubble here? Maybe this a bad time to tell you about the Easter Bunny.

Giles: It's the end of the world.
Buffy, Willow, and Xander: Again?!

Spike: I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One, after all. Come one, vampires, rrrr, nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice, and for... the safety of puppies, and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!

Walsh: So, the Slayer.
Buffy: Yeah, that's me.
Walsh: We thought you were a myth.
Buffy: Well, you were myth-taken.

Spike: How ya feeling, mate?
Giles: Like snapping necks until everyone's dead.
Spike: Now that's a Fyarl demon. Good for you.

Riley: She has the truest soul I've ever known.
Walsh: Oh no. Spontaneous poetic exclamations. Lord spare me college boys in love.

Walsh: Okay, this is Psych 105. Introduction to Psychology. I am Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall into my good graces will come to know me as Maggie, those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my T.A.'s use and think I don't know about: The Evil Bitch-Monster of Death.

Buffy: ... so then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share this!"
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.


Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Spike: Harm!

Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.


Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better
.
Riley: That's hostile seventeen.
Spike (in his bad American accent): No. I'm just a friend of Xander's... Bugger it. I'm your guy.
Buffy: This is Spike. He's um... it's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore!
Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just... I can't bite anymore, thanks to you wankers.

Willow: "She's like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going 'Ooh. Check me out, I'm wicked cool. I'm five by five.'"
Tara: "Five by five? Five what by five what?"
Willow: "See, that's the thing. No one knows."

Willow: I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin.

Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No... Yes. I-it was a gift.

Anya: A year and a half ago I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Spike: You know... You take the killing for granted... And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stop and smell the corpses, you know?

Mrs. Holt: I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one of you!
Xander: Yeah? You smell sin? Well, let me tell you something, lady. She who smelt it, dealt it!

Xander: So, with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free... like a big, bursting poltergasm.

Xander: It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills and... stratagems... I'm very... help me out.
Anya: He's a Viking in the sack.

Giles: Somehow our joining with Buffy and invoking the essence of the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power.
Buffy: You know you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
Giles: I did. I said there could be dire consequences.
Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.

Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?


Riley: But you killed the- You did that thing with that- Uh, you drowned. And the snake! Not to mention... daily... slayage of... Wow.
Buffy: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of "apocalypse".

Buffy: I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine… That probably would've sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.

Buffy: Oz isn't a Demon. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. I never knew you were such a bigot!
Riley: I'm not. I'm just saying it's a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!

Spike: Don't see why I have to be tied up.
Xander: It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike: Like I'd bite you, anyway.
Xander: Oh, you would.
Spike: Not bloody likely.
Xander: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat.
Xander: And don't you forget it.

Buffy - Season 3

Giles: I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
Willow: You'd be cranky?
Giles: Entirely.
Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."

Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip.

Buffy: Fine, okay, I can take my lumps. For awhile.
Willow: All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pause) Runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry ... quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.

Spike: She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?

Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. [smiling.] I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her, until she likes me again.

Willow: Mom, I'm not acting out, I'm a witch! I can make pencils float! And I can summon the four elements! Okay, two, but four soon. And I'm dating a musician!
Mrs. Rosenberg: Oh, Willow.
Willow: I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings! Do you see any goats around? No! 'Cause I sacrificed them!
Mrs. Rosenberg: Willow, please...
Willow: All bow before Satan!
Mrs. Rosenberg: I'm not listening to this.
Willow: Prince of Night, I summon you! Come fill me with your black, naughty evil!

Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --
Buffy: Guys, reality!

Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Willow: Chemistry is easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt.

Faith: Thanks, sugar daddy.
Mayor Wilkins: Now Faith, you know I don't like that. I'm a family man. Now, let's kill your little friend.

Vamp Willow: This is a dumb world. In my world, there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.

Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash? That's very unusual.
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.

Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.
Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.

Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?!
Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers!
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!
Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better!
Buffy: Twice!?

Buffy: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big-time danger.
Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.

SG1 season 6

Dr. McKay: [about Anubis] Has a real flair for the dramatic, doesn't he? Very theatrical.
Maj. Carter: Yeah, pretty much all the Goa'uld are like that.
Dr. McKay: But, why wait? Why does this guy show up a day and a half after this all starts to do his whole "prepare to meet your doom" thing?
Maj. Carter: I don't know, maybe he wanted to make sure it was gonna work.
Dr. McKay: Yeah, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? "Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!" And then the Gate shuts down. "Oops, sorry, never mind."


[Carter kisses McKay on the cheek]
Dr. McKay: [thrilled] That means you don't hate me.
Major Carter: Maybe. Too bad for you.
Dr. McKay: Why?
Major Carter: I was more attracted to you when I did.


Dr. Michaels: Hi. It's nice to finally meet you, Major.
Maj. Carter: You too. Dr. Michaels, this is Dr. Fraiser.
Dr. Michaels: Doctor.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Dr. Michaels: [also introducing] Uh…Drs. Woods and Osbourne.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Dr. Woods: Doctor.
Dr. Osbourne: Major.
Maj. Carter: Doctor.
Woods: Major.
Dr. Fraiser: Doctor.
Col. O'Neill: All right. That's enough.


Ba'al: Who are you?
Col. O'Neill: You go first.
Ba'al: [picking up a knife] You claim you do not know me?
Col. O'Neill: Well, take no offense there, Skippy, I'm sure you're a real hot, important Goa'uld, I've just always been kind of out of the loop with the snake thing.
Ba'al: I am Ba'al.
Col. O'Neill: That's it? Just "Ball"? As in Bocce?
Ba'al: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence? [aims the knife at Jack]
Col. O'Neill: I don't know the meaning of the word. Seriously. "Impudence." What does that mean?


Dr. Jackson: I'm energy now…
Col. O'Neill: How's that working out for you?
Dr. Jackson: Good, actually. Very…
Col. O'Neill: Good.
Dr. Jackson: Very good.


Dr. Jackson: It's your journey. No one but you can choose what you become or the path you take. All I can promise you is it will be an amazing journey. Once you release your burden.
Col. O'Neill: Daniel, so help me, if you start talkin' like Oma…
Dr. Jackson: I'm not talking like Oma Desala.
Col. O'Neill: Sounds like Oma to me.
Dr. Jackson: No, no, no…see, Oma Desala would say something like…uh, uh, if you know the candle is fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago or something like that.
Col. O'Neill: Why?
Dr. Jackson: To open your mind.
Col. O'Neill: Though a candle burns in my house…there's nobody home


Dr. Coombs: They'll be back, Felger. Can't you see they're just having fun with you?
Dr. Felger: What are you talking about? There's something going on out there.
Dr. Coombs: Oh, please, huh? They're just tired of your butt-snorkeling.


Dr. Felger: Bite me, Coombs! At least my heroes exist. If this was a Trek convention you'd be all dressed up like a Klingon.
Dr. Coombs: Vulcan, Felger. Vulcan. And I don't know how you can call yourself a scientist and not worship at the altar of Roddenberry!
Dr. Felger: [mockingly] Oooh, how we gonna get outta this one, Captain? Oh, I don't know, something to do with a tachyon emitter?


Maj. Carter: How come you're not smiling?
Jonas: Should I be?
Maj. Carter: Well, it is your first time being captured by a Goa'uld.


Herak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
Col. O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard!


Dr. Felger: You are not going to die, Coombs.
Dr. Coombs: Oh, come on, Felger! We might as well be wearing red shirts!


Maj. Carter: It seemed like a power fluctuation in the cycle output of the naquadah reactor. But at closer inspection, I discovered the absorption port and its redundancy had been tampered with.
Col. O'Neill: Carter! I haven't had coffee.


Col. O'Neill: Alright now, how is that possible? I mean, how does she make kids without a… [pause] …man friend? Malek: Symbiote queens are able to fertilize their own eggs. It is essentially an asexual process.
Col. O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?


Col. O'Neill: They didn't go for it.
Maj. Carter: They didn't approve the mission?
Col. O'Neill: No, they did that. Once they knew the stakes and the whole "fate of the universe" stuff, both the president and Hammond realized we have no choice. He sends good luck, godspeed, and all those things he says when he thinks we're gonna die.
Maj. Carter: So what didn't they go for?
Col. O'Neill: The name I suggested.
Maj. Carter: For the ship?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
Maj. Carter: Yeah, sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
Col. O'Neill: Why not?


Thor: If in fact you are reconsidering...
Col. O'Neill: No, no. I full well expected the other shoe to drop.
Thor: We can only hope that this will be the last footwear to fall.


Jonas: The possibility of being insane has been interfering with my ability to relax.


Maybourne: Nothing more than a good wiener.
Col. O'Neill: Yes, you are what you eat.


Teal'c: The Celts were formidable warriors in their time. Their descendants may make valuable allies.
Col. O'Neill: You've seen Braveheart too often.


Teal'c: I would prefer not to consume bovine lactose at any temperature.


Col. Ronson: There's no redundancy for that particular system.
Col. O'Neill: So, you're saying there's no redundancy.


Mot: You are the Tauri of Stargate Command.
Col. O'Neill: And you are Lord Mot. Come to punish us for our insolence, yada, etcetera, et al.
Mot: That is correct.
Col. O'Neill: Well Mr Mot. We're onto you. We know what you've got planned and we've informed the Tok'ra. If we don't report back on schedule, they're goina rat you out, they'll tell your boss, they'll snitch on ya.