24 December, 2011

Merry Christmas!!!!

I wish a safe a happy holiday to all,

20 December, 2011

Dear Spotty Chop you were 81 months old awhile ago

You have had a couple of nightmares this month. In one the world turned sideways and you were clutching the road. Then you were in your school playground and you asked your teacher if you were having a nightmare and she said yes. Then we weren’t even in our house but there were 3 gingerbread houses and I was going to give you the biggest one. Then you woke up and came out to find us.

You and I play a game “mad bull”. I get on all fours and chase after you. You try to hop on my back. Once you are on my back I whip around to get you off. It makes you giggle.

I got to go to school and eat lunch with you. There was a line to get into the cafeteria and lots of parents were already sitting down. When I got to you I could tell you were upset. Your teacher said she had just told you to put a smile on because I would be walking through the door any minute. I told you that if I say I am going to be somewhere I will ALWAYS be there. Jmans mom was dealing with a sick red and she somehow missed it. Jman is so even tempered, didn’t freak out, was very, “she must have forgot, it happens”. I told him that I would eat lunch with him too. You and he then proceeded to ignore me and play.

I went scrapbooking and you and Boy Toy came down the Cape to stay in the hotel and to swim. Unfortunately when we got there we found out the pool was closed. Fortunately they said they would give you passes to a hotel down the road and you could swim there. While I sat in a room with 80 women cutting and sticking, you guys: went swimming for hours, went bowling, went to an arcade, explored the hotel, and went for a walk on the beach. I am glad you guys came. If you had stayed home the two of you would have sat in front of the TV watching the boob tube or playing video games. The first time you came down to visit me all by yourself I told you how proud of you I was for finding your way to me. You said “mama I just follow my eyes, they know the way.”

You tried turkey this Thanksgiving and apparently like the dark meat. You also tried dinner roles and seem to love them. This is good, as the tragedy that I feared most has come to pass. You will no longer eat baloney sandwiches. You apparently no longer like bread, but will eat baloney plain, with a cheese stick. I almost had a nervous breakdown when for the 3rd day in a row you didn’t eat your sandwich. I’m like dude, all you had to do was talk to me, let me know. I just don’t want you to get hungry. I am not going to get mad because you don’t like something. But I do need you to eat.

You have had a REALLY hard time with your temper this month. So much so that I really want to…punch your father in the head with a 2x4. No a nail gun. Nono a morning star. Maybe the Washington monument? You are getting angry anytime we ask you to do anything. When I asked you what we could do to help you said “punch me”. You are also being mean and sneaky. I don’t like it. Dada thinks it is because you are not getting enough sleep. You have been waking up before 6am and not going to bed until 9pm or later. I think you are waking up so early because you want to play video games. I just told you that you will not be able to play video games or watch TV until 6:30am. If you wake up and just want to snuggle with me while I work I am good with that. We will see if that helps you stay asleep. I am purposely scheduling meetings in the early morning so that I don’t have to drop you off at the morning program and can let you sleep for an extra hour and then play and then drop you off at school and go to work. SLEEP CHILD!

Forgot to add how much in love you are with Froggy. Nannie gave you name holders for Turkey day and asked if you would put them on the table. One side of the table had 3 plates (for me your dad and you) the other side had 2 (for favorite bro and Froggy). You put the place holder for Froggy down and then you put the name holder with the name not facing outward next to her. Guess who’s name was on it? I don't know if someone spoke to you because after that you put your name on the other side of the table with Froggy between you and favorite bro. She is sooo tickled pink that you love her.

We are in the countdown toward the BIG DAY. I hope Santa is good to you.


The mama

09 December, 2011

Stargate SG1 Season 9

*I still love this series as much as ever, they make me laugh...and cry

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [to Vala] Ladies first.
Vala: [to Daniel] Well then, after you.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Wicked!...and empty.
Vala: I haven't been this disappointed since Daniel and I had sex.

Vala: Well. Don't you all have me surrounded.
General Landry: Welcome to the SGC. I'm General Landry.
Vala: Vala. Vala Mal Doran. Thank you so much for the lovely greeting party. We all had a wonderful time searching each other, didn't we, boys?

Vala: These were her ceremonial marriage bracelets. She would affix them to herself and her husband of the moment.
Dr. Jackson: "Of the moment".
Vala: Yes, she had many. One of the few admirable traits about her

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book

Vala: I've got tingles all over. And don't flatter yourself, I'm pretty sure it's not you.

Dr. Jackson: I'm sorry to interrupt, but um…if you brought us here to try and convert us, it is fair to tell you that we are really not in the market for new gods.

Prior: Origin will guide you on this path, and those who revere its wisdom shall be uplifted. I have come to spread the word to the unbelievers who have been... sheltered, and raised by evil.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You have no idea how much he sounds like my grandma.

General O'Neill: Now, see, that's one of the great things about being a general. You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: I suppose after you've saved the world seven or eight times…
General O'Neill: Who's counting, huh?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Teal'c.

General Landry: Don't make me promote you

Inago: Vala! You cowardly, backstabbing sorry excuse for a woman. How've you been?
Vala: Inago. You filthy, double talking slug. Nice to see you too.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Obviously they used to date.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: How good is this? Got the band back together!
Lt. Colonel Carter: Yeah, so what's with the extra back-up singer?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Oh, she's good fun.

Dr. Jackson: Vala, this is a military vessel.
Vala: I know, darling. I've stolen it before.
Dr. Jackson: Well, just try to be, uh…
Vala: My charming self?
Dr. Jackson: Just a little less talk; a little more shut the hell up.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Witnesses?
Dr. Jackson: One. Some guy who was working overtime, spent most of the firefight under his desk, but was able to provide the descriptions of three individuals: big, tattooed, chain mail pants.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: So it's either our Jaffa, or KISS is back on tour.

Volnek: Oh, we have unfinished business.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Hey, take it easy.
Volnek: You shot me!
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: You shot me first!

Lt. Colonel Carter: Huh. Maybe it wasn't our fault.
Dr. Jackson: I thought it was always our fault.

General Landry: Colonel Carter, I've read your proposal.
Lt. Colonel Carter: And?
General Landry: And I'm not exactly sure what an aneurysm feels like, but I suspect I'm pretty close.

Dr. Lee: Well, trying to achieve something as specific as isolating one small part of the brain is like...it's like... trying to...do something...that's impossible.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Good analogy.

Prior: We are beacons on the road to enlightenment.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: No, you are dark-side intergalactic encyclopedia salesmen, but unfortunately, the home office hasn't been quite upfront with you.
Dr. Jackson: Nice work on the metaphor.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Thank You.

Vala: Came to see me off? That's sweet.
Dr. Jackson: Well, we've been through a lot together. I just wanted to come here myself and make sure you were… thoroughly searched

Vala: Thank you! I apologize for ever questioning your masterful skills at negotiation!
Dr. Jackson: He's doing the best he can.
Vala: That's what terrifies me!

Jared Kane: Do you ever give up?
Dr. Jackson: Not till I'm dead. And sometimes not even then

Worrel: So, you were done slaying system lords and decided to move on to more pressing agricultural concerns?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That's exactly it. Corn patrol.

Lt. Col Mitchell: Sir, I don't mean to gripe.
General Landry: Permission to gripe granted.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: We're being put on babysitting duty?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell: That was alternate reality. This is alternate dimension. Hell, all I need is a good time-travel adventure, and I've scored the SG-1 trifecta.

Vala: I did my best to blend in. At first according to Tomin and therefore as far as the villagers were concerned I was the woman who fell from the sky which made me feel kind of special. I later learned that they always suspected I’d escaped from another village as a result of some scandal and then I started to feel much more like I’m used to.

Teal'c: You have been impregnated, without copulation.
Vala: Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: W-Well.. there is one.
Teal'c: Darth Vader.
Vala: Really? How did that turn out?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.

05 December, 2011

How to Start a Fight…

*This really makes me laugh...

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

My wife and I were watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

03 December, 2011

Lego Advent Calendar 2011 - STAR WARS!!!

For the past 3 years I have been getting Lego Advent calendars for Spotty and my godson (a year or so older than Spotty). This is possibly one of the best gifts I think I have ever stumbled across. Each set comes in a unique box with a "scene" printed on it. 

(The first 2 years were city scenes.) 

 Next there are 24 little slots which contain some sort of Lego "thing". Maybe it's a mini figure, like ice scaters or a construction worker, or Santa. It could be a traffic light, or a sled or a Christmas tree.

The only directions are on the tab that you open, so you don't have to worry about searching for directions on the 10th day. They are always there. They also add one or two extra pieces in case one gets lost.

This year much to my great joy the calendar theme was Star Wars. Made my heart grown 3 sizes that day!

I can't wait to see all of the things Spotty gets to build!!!

It's a Dadda and Spotty thing, Mama sits on the sidelines, but I am ok with that. I love to watch the looks on their faces as they build and try to figure out what they are building

Day 1
Day 2

This has quickly become one of my favoriet holiday traditions. I am not sure when they are going to get too old for this, with luck I will be sending these out to the boys for the next 20-30 years. If you are looking for a new holiday tradtion, or even a unique gift to give I say run, do not walk and pick one up. You won't be sorry.

01 December, 2011

pumpkin carving at Moo and Freak Show's

*and yet more stuck in draft, when will the madness end?

Our annual pumpkin carving spectacular was a success!

We had battles against zombies (Spotty told Moo that she had to go back in there and let them kill her, but he'd bring her back to life so she could cook him sweet potato fries.)

Lego races - do you play with Legos? You should, then you could join our LEGO RACE OF DEATH, you would loose, as all of us loose, Spotty is the only one that knows what the track looks like

Pumpkin carving!

I am quite certain there was eating involved. There usually is. Lucky for us Moo keeps a well stocked larder (including but not limited to) ice cream, cheese, crackers, cookies, candy, homemade peach habanaro marinade and marmalade,pizza, noodles, Ice cream, homemade granola, fresh picked strawberries, homemade vanilla, did I mention ice cream? Pickles, Homemade Pear Vanilla thingy that isn’t jam, but is OH MY FUCKING GOD The BEST THING you have ever tasted. Did I mention she does her own canning? And grows her own peaches, apples, strawberries, has bee hives to make honey. Really the list goes on and on.

 It’s somewhat embarrassing.